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The Pudding Club Pontifications

Taking Leave of Their Senses

Taking Leave of Their Senses

Friday 4 March, 2016
Pudding Club members discuss the implications of the referendum and whether it could result in either Nigel Farage or David Cameron becoming redundant.
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The Pudding Club section Friday Mash.com

Lord Noes, General Alarm and Sir Rah Sera lunched more than adequately at the Club last week on Sole Bonne Femme absolutely swimming in a mellifluous 2010 Meursault.

“I say” said His Lordship “David’s certainly got a scrap on his hands

“Serves him right if you ask me” said the General “even my batman can see it’s time for a strategic retreat across the Channel back to home barracks”

“Leaving the EU however” said Sir Rah thoughtfully “could be like leaving your second wife to go back to the first and find the cracks are even wider”

“Well I’m with Boris and Nigel” proclaimed the General “They’re leading a new Battle of Britain to take control of our borders and keep out all the welfare free-loaders and that awful Spanish plonk they sell at Tescos”

“I must say” said His Lordship “that David won some very useful concessions in his negotiations with the EU. The whole idea of Britannia being ruled from Brussels by a pack Franco-German fartbags is a betrayal of the indomitable British spirit forged on the playing fields of Eton”

“Hear hear” cried the General spiritedly “but there’s still that stupid Schengen Agreement which allows every Fritz, Francois and Fizal to pop in and pick up a pack of our entitlements whenever they feel like it. It’s like living in a UN resettlement centre”

“Well what would you do about it?” asked Sir Rah

“I’d do a Trump” replied the General “I’d build a wall right along our East Coast and get the EU to pay for it”

“They wouldn’t appreciate that in Great Yarmouth” responded Sir Rah “it would detract considerably from the aesthetic appeal of their pier”

“Who gives a rat’s arse!” exclaimed the General “this is about saving our priceless national heritage from a bankrupt banana republic based in Brussels. The Great Yarmouth Pier is a small price to pay”

“I’m concerned” said His Lordship “that if Boris heads a successful Leave Campaign he’ll become Prime Minister”

“That would mark the start of a Great new era for Britain” announced the General “because the first thing that PM Boris would do is call a meeting of representatives from Gibraltar, the Falklands and all relevant tax havens in the Caribbean to relaunch the British Empire and invite India, Canada and Australia to renew their lapsed membership”

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About this Series
Located on the fashionable side of Pall Mall the Club is famous for counting some of the UK’s greatest political intellects among its members. Lord Noes, General Alarm and Sir Rah Sera convene there regularly to create the brilliant insights which David relies on so much to keep the ship of state on course.

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