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Leaks from Tony’s Journal

Taking the Michael

Taking the Michael

Friday 10 April, 2015
In the wake of Mike Baird’s election victory Tony ponders his own public image and whether it would be credible if he adopted more of a nice-guy persona.
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Leaks from Tonys Journal

I’m getting really pissed-off with people who keep telling me I should be more like Mike Baird when the truth is Mike Baird should be more like me.
They have to understand that Mike acquired his nice-guy image by following my example. The difference in our current popularity derives solely from the fact he hasn’t yet had enough time to renege on any election promises.
The fact is everybody in politics gets trashed sooner or later even great statesmen like George W Bush and me.
The critical question is how would Mike have fared in the NSW Election if he hadn’t had men of undoubted integrity like me, Martin Ferguson and Michael Costa on his side?
It is a sad fact of political life that nice guys like Mike and myself don’t always finish first because it is our lot in life to carry burdens like Malcolm and Joe.
Surely no-one could possibly believe that Bill Shorten is a nice guy. Certainly not Julia or Kevin. No-one in Canberra would dream of going to a meeting with him without wearing a stab-proof vest.
After a deal of soul-searching I am considering following Mike’s example at the next federal election and boldly running on policies which are dear to my heart like a 20% GST on everything, 12 months paid parental leave and Work Choices for the unemployed which will entitle them either to work for the dole or my re-election campaign.
It is perhaps true that Campbell Newman lost the Queensland election because he’s well below Mike and me in the nice-guy stakes. It just goes to show how the standards of changed because he’s infinitely nicer than Joh.
Peta has been on at me recently to show my softer side a bit more because it provokes such a stunned reaction when people see it on Manly Beach. I think it would be wise not to show it during question time because it would be incredibly embarrassing if it caused Tanya Plibersek to perspire.
I am seriously considering making a major change to my image development strategy by not breaking any more promises. I have no illusions about how tough it’s going to be to deny my natural instincts but Mike is so convinced it’s the right way to go that I might give it a try.


About this Series
Tony Abbott writes a regular journal to record for posterity his innermost thoughts about the momentous daily events and decisions that are shaping the very future of Australia. However a confidential source in his office believes the journal is so politically explosive that it could go off before posterity happens so he’s decided to leak it exclusively to Friday Mash in the national interest.

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