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Taking Steppes With Russia

Taking Steppes With Russia

Friday 26 May, 2017
James is very keen for Pauline to develop her populist profile Trump-style through making clandestine contact with Russia from Australia With Love.
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James is very keen for Pauline to develop her populist profile Trump-style through making clandestine contact with Russia from Australia With Love.

 “There’s a real danger” argued James “that Cory Bernardi could soon have more populist appeal than you”

“But I’m much more like Trump and Le Pen than he is” protested Pauline “and nobody’s heard of him in Queensland”

“The trouble with you” explained James “is that while you’re well-known in Queensland across the rest of the country no-one wants to know you”

“What if I did some modelling for Vogue” suggested Pauline “or posed for a centrefold in GQ?”

“That may resonate in Sunshine Coast retirement homes” conceded James “but it would go down like a fart at a funeral everywhere else. You’ve got to start making a nationwide impact through pursuing the Trump model”

“But I’m not in a position to fire the Australian Federal Police Commissioner” pointed out Pauline

“What I rather have in mind” revealed James “is secret contacts with Russian diplomats and a possible exchange of tweets with Putin”

“You mean like inviting him to the State of Origin?” asked Pauline

“No, no” responded James “I mean like asking for his support for One Nation in the upcoming Queensland state election. If he got Trump elected in the US it would be a doddle for him to get One Nation into power in Queensland”

“But I’m not particularly keen on Russians” asserted Pauline “I even fancy Tony Abbott more than Putin”

“That’s not the point” insisted James “if it gets out you’re having clandestine contact with the Russians you’ll instantly get a worldwide profile and with any luck you’ll be investigated by a Senate committee”

“Couldn’t I do something else from the Trump playbook” pleaded Pauline “like revealing highly sensitive information to the NZ ambassador?”

“No-one would give a rat’s” responded James decisively “unless you leaked the Wallabies tactics for the next Bledisloe Cup series or an Australian government cabinet paper on the threat of ovine terror”

“Alright then” said Pauline resignedly “how do I start doing a bit on the side with Russia?”

“An affair with an embassy staff member would be a good start” advised James “then you could kick-start Putin’s interest by sending him pictures of yourself riding topless”

“But how would that motivate him to support One Nation in the Queensland election?” asked Pauline

“Because he appreciates a naked grab for power” replied James

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