Offering a uniquely Australian perspective on the US Presidential election

Tanking With Tony

Tanking With Tony

Friday 1 September, 2017
Friday Mash is pleased to be able to publish these left-wing leaks from a learned paper on the state of the world today shortly to be published by the Tony Abbott Think Tank.
The story starts here...

Friday Mash is pleased to be able to publish these left-wing leaks from a learned paper on the state of the world today shortly to be published by the Tony Abbott Think Tank.

Left wing politicians worldwide are increasingly pursuing policies that have had such a pulverising impact on countries like Greece and Venezuela.

These comprise free education, free healthcare, huge increases in taxes on business, blithering incompetence in business tax collection, massive incentives for the unemployed to maintain the status quo, Sunday penalty rates for working any day in the week and election handouts large enough to secure enough votes.

Against all the odds Maduro’s policies have somehow contrived to leave the country with the largest oil reserves in the world with no petrol in its tank.

Not content with this spectacular progress on a national basis politicians like Bernie Sanders and Jeremy Corbyn are pursuing a campaign to pulverise the world politically through policies like handing the reins of government over to unions and nationalising Wall St.

In Australia Lee Rhiannon has rejected the Greens’ economic policies as too conservative and seems incapable of comprehending that management make any worthwhile contribution to business.

Things are getting so bad in Victoria that they could even stop the traffic turning right from the extreme left and the only hope for South Australians who are either suffering hypothermia or going broke paying their electricity bills is the early onset of global warming.

Bill Shorten is charging off down the path of socialist populism by threatening us with sustainable energy at unsustainable prices, the takeover of Fair Work Australia by the CFMEU, the appointment of John Setka as head of the Commonwealth Bank and the introduction of a new constituent assembly elected by a postal vote among GetUp members.

Meanwhile Cory Bernardi and Tony Abbott are leading a non-populist conservative campaign to save Australia and the world from the clutches of leaders like Maduro and Malcolm.

The Tony Abbott Think Tank firmly believes that making co-payments to visit the doctor is a sensible precaution against otherwise having to take the harsh medicine that would be prescribed to prevent Medicare going bankrupt.

We are convinced that while Malcolm as Prime Minister is bad enough if Bill took over the country it would undoubtedly become some sort of Republic, either banana, bankrupt, bureaucratic or needing a bail-out.

We believe the best thing that could happen to Australia is that Malcolm and Bill get married and are then able to tell everybody from first-hand experience what a terrible idea it is.

It is our learned conclusion that the only way ahead for Australia is with first Tony and then Cory leading the country. This is born of a conviction that the shrinking populist world of Trump is infinitely better than the one that’s being hyper-inflated by Maduro.

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