Offering a uniquely Australian perspective on the US Presidential election

Tassie Bailout

Tassie Bailout

Friday 24 July, 2015
The Think Tank come up with an inspired idea to assure Tasmania of a prosperous future by blackmailing the Abbott government.
The story starts here...

Jacqui Lambie Think Tank masthead

Nazel Hare, Randy Mayle and Prof Penny Wise arrived at Glad’s Tea Rooms near Launceston for a Think Tank meeting with Jacqui on a promise of sampling Glad’s bountiful Burnie burgers and chips.

“Today” announced Jacqui “marks a turning point in the history of Tasmania because we are about to set this jewel of the Antipodes on course for a prosperous future”

“Isn’t that supposed to be the job of the state government?” asked Nazel

“That Hodgman half-brain” replied Jacqui “acts like he’s had his own arse removed and replaced with one from a horse. The fact is that the very future of Tasmania now rests with us”

“What we need” said Randy “is a bold economic model that will force Abbott to give us all the GST he collects”

“In your dreams” said Penny “what we’re really talking about here is something like threatening to sell the Tarkine to the Chinese”

“I’ve got it” said Randy “we should do a Greece”

“How do you mean?” asked Jacqui

“First” replied Randy “Tasmania must refuse to pay all state and federal taxes and grant so many entitlements that the economy is as fleeced as Greece.

Then we go to the federal government and demand a huge bailout or else we’ll secede and form a Pacific Union with New Zealand”

“Not a bad plan” said Jacqui “I’ll bet Greece will regret they didn’t think of it first”

“I think it’s a brilliant idea” said Nazel “there’s no surer way of us grabbing Abbott’s attention than going bankrupt”

“Wait a minute though” said Penny “it looks like the strategy hasn’t been all that successful for Greece. The EU have not accepted their application for charitable status”

“It could be different for Tasmania” said Jacqui “we’d only be blackmailing Abbott rather than the IMF and he’d have to heed the political reality that charity begins at home”

“This is exciting” said Nazel “I think we should launch the whole campaign with a week-long stop-work meeting against the policies of the Abbott government which are obviously encouraging people to stop work”

“I believe it’s critical to sustain the credibility of our campaign” said Randy ‘by rejecting any support from Bill Shorten”

“But the CFMEU could be co-opted to stir industrial chaos” said Nazel “we could threaten to ban carbon emissions and I’ll set an example by retiring retrospectively at 29”

“I could fly to New York and Geneva” said Jacqui “to demonstrate outside the UN and the IMF”

“Do you think there’d be a better chance of a bailout” asked Nazel “if we joined the EU?”

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About this Series
Friday Mash has gained exclusive access to the intellectual powerhouse behind the Lambie political phenomenon. Jacqui has assembled a Think Tank comprising the best minds in Tasmania. Nazel Hare is Jacqui’s campaign manager and President of the Lambie for PM Movement, Randy Mayle is the leader of the Tasmanics a star-studded group of star studs and Professor Penny Wise is the Head of Business Studies at Burnie University. The Think Tank meets regularly at Glad’s Tea Rooms just outside Launceston and Friday Mash will bring you regular reports of their intellectual discourse.

View all articles in the The Lambie Think Tank Series
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