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Tassie Tax Grab

Tassie Tax Grab

Friday 20 November, 2015
In response to Malcolm’s call for a national debate on tax reform Jacqui and the Think Tank come up with an inspirational initiative to ensure Tasmania taxes the Australian economy even more than it already does.
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Jacqui Lambie Think Tank masthead

Nazel Hare, Randy Mayle and Prof. Penny Wise responded with alacrity to Jacqui’s invitation to a Think Tank meeting last week at Glad’s Tea Rooms because it indicated that generous portions of Glad’s celebrated strawberry flan would be served.

“I see you’ve been cuddling up to Malcolm recently” remarked Randy “have you two got a thing going?”

“It’s true I’m more attuned intellectually to Malcolm than Tony” replied Jacqui

“but I’m definitely not his plaything”

“I just can’t trust my emotions when it comes to politicians” said Nazel “at one stage I even had the hots for Eric Abetz”

“Now look” said Jacqui earnestly “Malcolm has called for a national debate on taxation and obviously he’s counting on leading Think Tanks like us to make an enormous contribution. What’s your thesis Randy?”

“Australia’s finances are apparently in worse shape than the Launceston Ladies Lacrosse League” replied Randy “but the point is that every other country is in the same boat so I agree with Bill Shorten that we should just carry on doling out money to everybody and hoping for the best”

“And hope the Royal Commission uncovers enough union slush funds to maintain cash-flow at the Treasury” added Nazel

“I believe” said Penny “that Malcolm should introduce a Tasmania tax”

“Now that sounds promising” said Jacqui “what is it exactly?”

“Whatever the new GST level that Malcolm decides upon” replied Penny “he should simply add another one percent exclusively for Tasmania”

“Except in Tasmania of course” said Jacqui

“Quite” agreed Penny “The Tasmania Tax would be a levy on Australians in all the other states which recognises the fact our economy has been sacrificed on the altar of Bob Brown”

“And if Malcolm refuses to implement it” said Randy ‘’we should threaten to secede and become a leading Third World country which would qualify for bucket-loads of foreign aid from Australia”

“Tasmania would become a beacon of hope to the world’ said Penny

“demonstrating that anyone can prosper in a workless society provided someone else can be cajoled into supporting them”

“That’s absolutely brilliant thinking guys” pronounced Jacqui “but in order to sell it to Malcolm I’ll have to get a thing going with him as soon as possible”

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About this Series
Friday Mash has gained exclusive access to the intellectual powerhouse behind the Lambie political phenomenon. Jacqui has assembled a Think Tank comprising the best minds in Tasmania. Nazel Hare is Jacqui’s campaign manager and President of the Lambie for PM Movement, Randy Mayle is the leader of the Tasmanics a star-studded group of star studs and Professor Penny Wise is the Head of Business Studies at Burnie University. The Think Tank meets regularly at Glad’s Tea Rooms just outside Launceston and Friday Mash will bring you regular reports of their intellectual discourse.

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