Thanks Tony it’s been fun
Over the past five years Tony Abbott has committed himself tirelessly to the critical responsibility as prime minister to provide an unfailing source of great material for Friday Mash.
We rate the knighting of Prince Philip as his ultimate contribution because it marked the first time in Australian political history that a prime minister managed to bring the Royal Family and whole nation together in a spontaneous outburst of bewilderment.
Nowhere was his signature pig-headedness more appreciated than in the Friday Mash editorial suite when in the face of overwhelming logic it led him to retain the services of Peta the world’s leading female head-kicker and Bronnie the world’s leading female arse-kicker.
His first budget was a huge hit with Friday Mash readers despite its distinct lack of promise because instead of the usual month or so of knockabout humour it conspired on things like co-payments to provide a whole year’s entertainment.
Tony’s unique propensity to send Julia and Sarah Hanson Young into paroxysms of moral outrage was a gift that never ceased to enrich our pages.
Hopefully both of them appreciate that without the intervention of Tony in their political destinies they could both have reached their peak as middle order rabble rousers with the CFMEU.
Tony’s perpetual pig-headedness stopped the boats and canned the carbon tax despite dogged political opponents like the ABC claiming that he hadn’t got a prayer of doing either short of going to war with Indonesia and the Greens.
Despite the subsequent hysteria and dire predictions Australia still remains sufficiently above sea levels to welcome any asylum seeker boat that manages to make it beyond Operation Sovereign Borders.
It is a matter of considerable regret to Friday Mash that Tony never actually shirt-fronted Putin although this would likely have resulted in him being sin-binned or sent off much sooner.
Tony supplied a steady stream of inspirational material for our Abbattman series which informed over one hundred articles across five years. It is achievements of this magnitude that will no doubt cause history to look kindly upon him.
Friday Mash is very appreciative of the unique contribution Tony has made to boosting our readership. We can only hope that Malcolm will be just as dedicated to this critical prime ministerial reponsibility.