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P E Doff Between Drinks

The Adorable Deplorable

The Adorable Deplorable

Friday 25 November, 2016
PE Doff, Friday Mash’s distinguished US correspondent, interviews the man recently selected as Deplorable of the Year.
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PE Doff, Friday Mash’s distinguished US correspondent, interviews the man recently selected as Deplorable of the Year.

“Congratulations” began PE “on being nominated by Trump as the Deplorable of the Year. What exactly did you do to merit this award?”

“I designed the ‘Hack Hillary Where It Hurts” t-shirts” replied Ezra “and came up with the ‘Honk your horn if you’ve had it away with Bill’ campaign”

“Was that successful?” asked PE

“The noise was unbelievable” replied Ezra

“I hear you were also very successful” commented PE “in organising local action groups in support of Trump”

“The misogyny group was particularly effective” claimed Ezra “I warned my wife about it beforehand and the abuse hardly affected her at all”

“Does she support gender equality?” asked PE

“Well she did until Trump came along” affirmed Ezra “and now she’s revelling in her new role as a sex object”

“Were you responsible” asked PE “for any initiatives on refugees?”

“I certainly was” replied Ezra “I sent my daughter’s boyfriend back to Mexico. He was such a horse’s arse I couldn’t wait for Trump”

“What exactly is your attitude to refugees?” asked PE

“I haven’t thought about it too much” replied Ezra “but I’d say I’m somewhere between racist and xenophobic”

“Are you homophobic?” asked PE

“Well” replied Ezra ‘I guess I don’t like gays although I’m a bit confused at the moment because I’ve got a crush on Trump”

“Do you count yourself” queried PE “to be a member of the forgotten people?”

“You bet I do” affirmed Ezra “Obama has been President for almost eight years and hasn’t spoken to me once”

“So what are you expecting President Trump to achieve” asked PE “during his first term in office?”

“I expect him to send back so many Hispanics” replied Ezra “that racism in the US will be significantly reduced. I’m also looking forward to him declaring an end to Raqqa and Mosul as sanctuary cities for terrorists and pardoning Hillary on condition she doesn’t start blaming Michelle, the Pope, Putin, the Queen, Bernie, revelations by Wikileaks and Anthony Weiner, Bill O’Reilly, the Bush dynasty, her hairdresser, the pollsters, the electoral system, the glass ceiling, Bill, truth-seekers, over-preparedness, bad Huma among her staff or her plan to replace the State Department with the Clinton Foundation for her failure to win the Presidency”

“What about James Comey?” asked PE

“Him too” replied Ezra

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About this Series
P.E is renowned in US journalism circles for being as garrulous and querulous as he is bibulous. He has binged his way to the very top of his profession and much to everyone’s astonishment he hasn’t yet fallen off. He has willed his body to the Alcohol Research Institute.

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