Offering a uniquely Australian perspective on the US Presidential election

The Age of Dissent

The Age of Dissent

Friday 13 November, 2015
Bill comes up with the idea of giving the vote to sixteen year olds but Albo thinks he should stick to telling tales out of school.
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Shorten Forgettable MastHead for FridayMash series on Bill Shorten satire

“I’ve just had an absolutely ball-tearing idea” said Bill
“Oh really” said Albo nonchalantly “don’t tell me you’ve changed your mind and decided to support Malcolm’s campaign to save the economy”

“No” said Bill “nothing quite as responsible as that. I believe we should give the vote to sixteen year olds”

“Well at best” responded Albo “I’d rate it an absolutely dumb-arsed idea. It’s barmy to involve sixteen year olds who are banned from drinking and driving in activities which drive most people to drink”

“But sixteen year olds and I share the same hopes and dreams“ said Bill “like becoming as rich as Malcolm”

“Bill you’ve obviously been smoking something” said Albo “sixteen year olds would vote for the Greens because they have the most childish policies”

“On the contrary” said Bill “they’d all vote for me because I came up with the idea and because given that I’m not popular with adults the chances are I’d be a big hit with teens”

“I wouldn’t bank on it” said Albo “Malcolm’s still on his honeymoon and sixteen year olds are judged sufficiently mature to take part in such things”

“I was hoping I’d come up with an idea for the Climate Change Conference” said Bill “like television sets with reduced carbon emissions but the picture quality was disappointing”

“I’ve got to hand it to you Bill” said Albo “your dogged pursuit of an idea is admirable but perhaps you’re going about it the wrong way”

‘How do you mean?” asked Bill

“Well” replied Albo “you’re trying to think up ideas yourself and it’s not really your thing. You should rather persuade someone like Kevin who had a couple of good ideas once to come up with another couple and allow you to claim the credit for them”

“But are you sure I’m no good at ideas” queried Bill “after all I was the one who came up with the inspiration to make Julia the Prime Minister”

“If I had just a modicum of doubt about the matter” said Albo “you’ve just succeeded in dispelling it completely”

“I’ll tell you what I’ll do“ said Bill “I’ll go on a school tour to see if I can pick up any good ideas from the students”

“Well if they suggest that sixteen year olds should get the vote” said Albo “at least we’ll know it comes from a reliable source”


About this Series
Bill Shorten suffers from a chronic inability to make an impression. People not only have problems remembering who he is but also remembering any of his ideas or in fact whether he’s ever had any. The only thing he’s ever remembered for is stabbing prime ministers which is of course the one thing he’d prefer that everyone forgot.

View all articles in the Shorten Forgettable Series
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