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The Apple Isle’s Pip of a PM

The Apple Isle’s Pip of a PM

Friday 22 January, 2016
The Think Tank comes up with the inspired idea to abandon all hope of good government in Tassie by making Jacqui its Prime Minister.
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Jacqui Lambie Think Tank masthead

Nazel Hare, Randy Mayle and Prof. Penny Wise were summoned last week to a Think Tank session at Glad’s Tea Rooms on a promise of Glad’s famous Tassie Burgers and fries.

“We are here” announced Jacqui “to identify the Jacqui Lambie Network policies for 2016”

“Onya Jacqui” cried Nazel “this is the year when you and Malcolm will give birth to a new Australia”

“That’s a total misconception” said Jacqui

“This is the year” persisted Nazel “when you will emerge as a great political leader”

“That sounds more realistic” said Jacqui “but what’s the plan to realise my true destiny?”

“The plan is” proclaimed Randy “that in 2016 you will become Prime Minister of Tassie”

“What about Australia?” asked Jacqui

“Forget it Jacqui” said Penny “you’re never going to have the numbers to knock off Malcolm but you have the potential to become the Hillary of Tassie”

“Oh great” said Jacqui ‘does that mean I’d qualify for a Bill?”

“The political environment here” said Nazel “is like an extension of the Arab Spring. The State Government is desperately trying to kick-start the economy while the Greens are kicking it in the carburettor. What Tassie needs is a leader with the vision and fortitude to sack the State Government, chase the Greens up trees and inspire a Centrelink-led recovery”

“You little ripper” yelled Randy “we must start the Jacqui for Tassie PM Campaign immediately”

“Wait a minute” said Jacqui “what are my key policies?”

“You probably don’t need any” said Nazel “because you’re more than enough.

But if you insist I suggest a huge increase in carbon emissions to give the economy a boost it so desperately needs”

“All women should have equal rights” suggested Randy “especially when it comes to me”

“We’ve got to arrange to discover gold somewhere in Tassie” said Penny “and start a gold rush”

“Great idea” said Jacqui “I’ll discover some just outside Burnie next week”

“If we took in thousands of Syrian refugees” said Penny “the economy would get an enormous boost from all the funds we could blackmail Malcolm into showering us with”

“Good thinking” said Jacqui “and we should establish a reciprocal refugee agreement with Syria in case our plan for the Tassie economy falls on its arse”

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About this Series
Friday Mash has gained exclusive access to the intellectual powerhouse behind the Lambie political phenomenon. Jacqui has assembled a Think Tank comprising the best minds in Tasmania. Nazel Hare is Jacqui’s campaign manager and President of the Lambie for PM Movement, Randy Mayle is the leader of the Tasmanics a star-studded group of star studs and Professor Penny Wise is the Head of Business Studies at Burnie University. The Think Tank meets regularly at Glad’s Tea Rooms just outside Launceston and Friday Mash will bring you regular reports of their intellectual discourse.

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