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Franglais Communiques

The Avenging Angela

The Avenging Angela

Friday 24 July, 2015
Friday Mash’s renowned EU correspondent Hugo Morthanigo delivers his long-awaited definitive analysis of the Greek Economic Crisis and discusses its chances of achieving a status equivalent to the Global Financial Crisis.
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Franglais by Hugo Morethanigo on Friday Mash

Many leading EU politicians and diplomats have been seeking my counsel on the Greek Economic Crisis before making vital decisions. I have however delayed coming to definitive conclusions before now because I wanted to make absolutely sure that the main players in this saga were as decidedly dopey as they first appeared.

How could that loony lefty Tsipras have possibly imagined that the EU would bail the Greeks out in the manner to which they’d like to become accustomed?

And who else but the Greeks, who go through bailouts like Berlusconi went through bunga bunga parties, would be so delusional as to believe that Tsipras could be successful in persuading Angela and Co. that the EU would be more likely to implode without them than with them?

It was an enormous shock to Greece that Angela viewed their contribution to the EU like Sepp Blatter’s contribution to FIFA. She was determined that if the Syriza government was going to be another socialist regime that ran out of other people’s money it wasn’t going to be hers. So it was her way or the autobahn.

It’s difficult to believe that Tsipras got Angela so wrong. Surely he didn’t believe she was so dumb as not to realise his extreme left-wing government would fritter away a beneficent bailout like Maundy money and delay a Greek economic resurgence to bailout number five or beyond.

For some strange reason it’s never occurred to him that the way back to a strong Greek economy is encouraging people to work and pay taxes. He even toyed with the idea that a drachma resurrection could spark a second coming of the Greek economy without even waiting for Easter.

It was surprising that the Greeks voted “no” to austerity when they’d shown little enthusiasm over the years for getting rid of it themselves. Angela realised that unless she countered this vote with a decisive “yes” Portugal, Italy and Spain would also realise that saying “no” to austerity was a lot easier than saying “yes” to doing something about it.

I can’t wait to see how Tsipras, having come to power on the platform of ending austerity, sells the bailout package as more the beginning of it.

I can only hope that the Greeks get the message before bailout number four.

The last time the Greek economy showed signs of life was during the Colonels’ catastrophe and heaven forbid anything as rank as that ever happens again.

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About this Series
Hugo is the doyen of EU political commentators who took Berlusconi to his first bunga bunga party and advised Francois Hollande that with his taste in women he should never get married. His special understanding of EU financial policies is the blessing bestowed by going bankrupt a few times.

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