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The Pudding Club Pontifications

The Battle Of Brexit

The Battle Of Brexit

Friday 30 September, 2016
Pudding Club members discuss whether Brexit negotiations will descend into open warfare or merely a few cross-channel salvos.
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The Pudding Club section Friday Mash.com

Pudding Club members discuss whether Brexit negotiations will descend into open warfare or merely a few cross-channel salvos.

Lord Noes, General Alarm and Sir Rah Sera fortified themselves against the Autumnal chill with a lunch of steak and kidney pudding reinforced by a robust red from Rioja.

“I say” said His Lordship “the EU mob seem to be turning rather ugly”

“I know” concurred Sir Rah “that Juncker person is carrying on like a boofhead in a Bavarian beer-hall”

“It’s sour grapes” pronounced the General “they just can’t stand the thought that someone has pissed all over their euro-topia”

“The fact is” declared His Lordship “those continental conspirators can’t afford to trifle with their UK trade. They realise that we Brits would rather drive a Chevy to the levee than pay more for a BMW”

“I’ve recommended to Theresa” said Sir Rah in confidence “that we should start building people smuggling boats which threaten to transport refugees back across the channel”

“Splendid idea” exclaimed the General “a sort of Dunkirk in reverse”

“I do believe however” cautioned Sir Rah “that we should prepare for the possibility that the EU could turn really nasty during Brexit negotiations”

“How do you mean?” asked the General

“Let me put it this way” replied Sir Rah “if the EU are faced with the threat that all their trade with the UK could go to China they could become quite unpleasant”

“You don’t mean” said the General excitedly “that we could face an invasion”

“I wouldn’t go as far as that” demurred Sir Rah “I was rather thinking of a few warning shots from Calais”

“Good heavens” cried the General “I must go down to the War Office immediately to put the country on a war footing. Those blighters would love to invade us given half a chance. Brussels is full of fanatics who would stop at nothing to achieve the euro-fication of the entire world”

“I can’t help feeling” said His Lordship soothingly “that you’re over-cooking things a bit. Surely you wouldn’t want to create a situation where you were obliged to break off diplomatic relations with your paramour in Paris”

“You’ve got a point there” conceded the General “although I’ll work on a contingency plan with MI6 to spirit her out if things start to look really nasty”

“In my considered opinion” declared Sir Rah “Brexit negotiations will create a lot of hot air and passion but nothing more”

“Just like encounters with my paramour” remarked the General

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About this Series
Located on the fashionable side of Pall Mall the Club is famous for counting some of the UK’s greatest political intellects among its members. Lord Noes, General Alarm and Sir Rah Sera convene there regularly to create the brilliant insights which David relies on so much to keep the ship of state on course.

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