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The Pudding Club Pontifications

The Beginning of Uncivilisation as We Know It

The Beginning of Uncivilisation as We Know It

Friday 5 December, 2014
You’ll be utterly compelled by this discourse between Pudding Club members about whether the biggest threat to the UK is the SNP, UKIP or a coalition between them.
The story starts here...

The Pudding Club section Friday Mash.com

Lord Noes, General Alarm and Sir Rah Sera lunched this week on roast lamb with a Beaujolais Nouveau flown in specially from Paris.

‘I used to think this stuff was overrated piss’ said the General ‘but that’s not a bad drop at all’

‘It’s rather like my seasonal goodwill’ said His Lordship ‘it goes off by Christmas’

‘What’s your reaction to the news that Alex Salmond’ asked Sir Rah ‘is standing for election to the House of Commons’

‘The fellow’s an absolute charlatan’ said the General ‘trying to enter our most hallowed institution so he can reject it’

‘Rather like Nigel in Brussels’ said Sir Rah

‘I rather like the prospect of Alex in the Commons’ said His Lordship

‘Surely you must be joking’ said the General

‘Not at all old chap’ said His Lordship ‘the more Scottish Nationalists that get in the less chance there is of Miliband ever becoming PM’

‘But isn’t there a chance that the SNP could form a coalition with Labour?’ asked Sir Rah

‘My dear Boy’ responded His Lordship ‘even Miliband isn’t stupid enough to enter a government coalition with a party whose aim is to banish the Labour Party from Scotland. If they lost their hold on Scotland the Labour Party’s only chance of a majority would be in union elections’

‘But what if the SNP gained a majority in the Commons’ asked the General ‘and Alex Salmond became prime minister?’

‘In that unlikely event’ said His Lordship ‘he’s hardly likely to legislate Scottish Independence because he’d demote himself to becoming PM of Scotland only’

‘I see what you mean’ said the General ‘the stronger the SNP becomes the more Miliband is stuffed’

‘Precisely’ said His Lordship ‘now only Nigel can queer the pitch for David’

‘How do you mean?’ asked the General

‘He has the potential to take votes from our Party’ said His Lordship ‘and so there’s an outside possibility that UKIP and SNP could form a coalition government after the next election’

‘How on earth would that work?’ asked Sir Rah

‘It wouldn’t’ replied His Lordship ‘because Salmond would be trying to extract Scotland from the UK being extracted from the EU by Nigel’

‘If Scotland got out of the UK before we get out of the EU’s aid Sir Rah ‘they’d be trying to get back in while we were trying to leave’

‘We could bale out’ said the General ‘before their bailout’

‘I must have a word with David about the ins and outs of all this’ said His Lordship

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About this Series
Located on the fashionable side of Pall Mall the Club is famous for counting some of the UK’s greatest political intellects among its members. Lord Noes, General Alarm and Sir Rah Sera convene there regularly to create the brilliant insights which David relies on so much to keep the ship of state on course.

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