Offering a uniquely Australian perspective on the US Presidential election

The Bill Hanging Over Us All

The Bill Hanging Over Us All

Friday 22 January, 2016
Felicity Farthardly, Friday Mash’s Consumer Research Division, canvasses the views of this week’s Focus Group on Bill Shorten’s prime ministerial prospects.
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FridayMash Focus Group

“The aim of this afternoon’s session” announced Felicity “is to examine your attitudes to the prospect of Bill Shorten becoming Prime Minister”

“Is Bill Shorten the guy who’s Secretary of the ACTU” asked Rodney “or is he that politician who is against putting a GST on lettuce?”

“I think he’s both” said Gladys helpfully

“So would you welcome his election as Prime Minister?” asked Felicity

“Couldn’t think of anything worse” replied Gladys “I’m against unions taking over the country and I don’t eat lettuce because it gives me wind”

“Now Cyril’ said Felicity “do you believe Bill has what it takes to be a great Prime Minister?”

“Possibly” replied Cyril “because the impact of polling numbers as low as fourteen percent would drive lesser men to seek a diplomatic post in deepest Africa or volunteer for missionary work with the CFMEU”

“Noe Ethel” said Felicity ‘do you believe Bill has any qualities that would prevent him becoming a great Prime Minister?”

“Who?” asked Ethel

“You know’ said Felicity “Bill Shorten the Leader of the Labor Party”

“On him” said Ethel “he’s an absolute goose. If he became Prime Minister it would be worse than Tony Abbott becoming the Pope or George Pell getting a gig on Play School”

“Tell me Cedric” said Felicity “what do you see as Bill’s greatest achievement?”

“It’s terribly difficult” said Cedric “to decide between stabbing Kevin, campaigning for GST free lettuce and saving Australia from the First Bloke”

“And Millie” said Felicity “what’s your overall feeling about Bill becoming Prime Minister?”

“It scares me” replied Millie “even more than the thought of Clive Palmer becoming our local vicar or the sight of John Howard without glasses”

“How do you think you would all react if Bill became Prime Minister?” asked Felicity

“I’d apply to go and join Julian Assange in the Ecuadorian Embassy in London” replied Rodney

“I’d start a training camp for faceless men” replied Ethel

“And I’d book seats” replied Gladys “for the Royal Commission into Tony Abbott”

No politician who is serious about acting in Australia’s best interests would dream of taking a key decision before first checking with Felicity Farthardly who is widely recognised as one of the country’s leading experts on the public’s political needs and attitudes. She’s the researcher who can always be relied on to ask the right questions provided she’s been briefed beforehand on the right answers.

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About this Series
No politician who is serious about acting in Australia’s best interests would dream of taking a key decision before first checking with Felicity Farthardly who is widely recognised as one of the country’s leading experts on the public’s political needs and attitudes. She’s the researcher who can always be relied on to ask the right questions provided she’s been briefed beforehand on the right answers

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