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Buzz from Fly on the Wall

The Darkness of a Knight Descends

The Darkness of a Knight Descends

Friday 13 February, 2015
Guy the Friday Mash Superfly was on a wall in Tony’s office when Peta came in to discuss the leadership crisis. Here is his exclusive account of their discussion which Guy’s just dropped into the Friday Mash office during a fly-past.
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Guy the FridayMash Superfly

‘You’re not going to believe this’ said Peta ‘but Rupert’s just demanded my resignation. He obviously believes your stuff-ups are somehow my fault’

‘Well you told me to knight someone in the Royal Family’ said Tony

‘What I actually said’ protested Peta ‘was that we needed someone to organise a Royal Family night’

‘Well what’s the fun of being captain’ asked Tony ‘if I can’t make an occasional disastrous pick like Joe?’

‘The Queensland election was an unqualified disaster’ said Peta ‘how the hell did Campbell Newman lose to an unknown woman with an unpronounceable name who didn’t receive any support from Clive Palmer or the Chinese?’

‘Beats me’ said Tony ‘especially since he adopted my style of governing’

‘And if you don’t change that style’ said Peta ‘you’ll be out on your arse just like him’

‘You can’t be serious’ said Tony ‘surely you can’t mean I should become a catatonic catastrophe like Kevin and Julia’

What I mean’ said Peta ‘is you have to be relaunched as a sensitive new age guy who listens to people and takes a caring collegial approach to governing’

‘Next you’ll tell me I should be chastened and contrite’ said Tony

‘Now you’re getting it’ said Peta ‘if you don’t change your MO drastically you’ll soon become a lifeguard on Manly Beach and I’ll be on a Madame Lash training programme’

‘I can’t believe I’m that unpopular’ said Tony ‘I spend time in Arnhem Land, I go cycling with my mates, I’m a top douser in the Rural Fire Service and no one can Shorten Bill up like me’

‘The trouble is’ said Peta ‘the folks want a prime minister rather than Captain Risky starring in ‘I’m a Celebrity, Get me Out of Here’. Paid parental leave has got to go’

‘Oh no’ cried Tony ‘not that’

‘No more Captain’s picks’ said Peta

‘Then I could get dropped from Team Australia’ protested Tony

‘No doing anything’ said Peta ‘before you’ve consulted me, Julie, Malcolm, the entire cabinet, the federal police and Craig Thomson’

‘Why Craig?’ asked Tony

‘Well in your dire position’ replied Peta ‘claiming that someone else did it looks to be your only option and you can forget about pinning the blame on me’


About this Series
Having stuck with a fly paper for many years Guy has become a celebrated political reporter through his unique ability to locate himself on the walls the prominent and powerful and listen in to their conversations. He is always careful to take with him a fly-spray early warning detector.

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