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Dick Head Interviews

The Dick Head Forecasts for 2016

The Dick Head Forecasts for 2016

Friday 1 January, 2016
These exclusive forecasts by Australia’s most respected political commentator are the catalyst that will launch the Turnbull government into serious policy-making for 2016.
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Dick Head Reports on FridayMash

The Royal Commission Report into the Unions will be so tainted that Bill Shorten will fight the 2016 election on a ‘victimhood’ platform while receiving counselling from the ACTU.

Ian Macfarlane will enter a political orphanage.

Having played a major role in securing five prime ministers for Australia in five years Bill Shorten will fail to become the sixth in six.

The Government will announce a plan to reduce carbon emissions by 26-28% by 2030, reduce the budget deficit by 50% by 2050, reduce emissions from Clive by 100% by 2017 and reduce Clive by 20% in 2016.

The ABC’s independent inquiry into Q&A will find that without the programme’s unflagging support Tony Abbott would not have lasted six months as PM.

Tanya Plibersek will claim that the Coalition’s victory in the 2016 federal election is due solely to the public’s overwhelming gratitude to them for dumping Tony.

As a sequel to 2015, the year when he didn’t have an idea, Bill will define 2016 as the year when he doesn’t have a clue.

Anyone suspected of being involved in a plot to bring back Tony Abbott will be placed on an ASIO watch-list.

Clive will come under increasing pressure from environmental authorities to clear up the toxicity in the Senate leaking from discarded elements of PUP.

Malcolm will win the election and decide that it’s better to have Tony inside the tent pissing out than leaving him outside and having to invest in a waterproof tent.

The Greens will claim that Islamic State is a concept invented by Tony to justify increases in defence spending.

The GST will be raised to 50% on anything that creates carbon emissions like Nat King Coal CDs.

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About this Series
Dick’s outstanding career in political journalism owes much to recent advances in psychiatric treatment. In his role as a leading Canberra correspondent Dick enjoys an especially close rapport with all the leading politicians and the loony left because he’s met them all at the treatment centre.

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