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Dick Head Interviews

The Dick Head Interview with Bronwyn Bishop

The Dick Head Interview with Bronwyn Bishop

Friday 23 October, 2015
Bronnie tells Dick that her removal as Speaker was a Labor Party plot because her suspensions were killing them.
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Dick Head Reports on FridayMash

“Good morning Bronnie” said Dick “what are you up to at the moment?

“I’m taking time out” replied Bronnie “trying to decide whether to lead a faceless womens’ prime ministerial termination team but as usual I’m keeping everybody in suspense”

“Do you have any regrets about your career as Speaker?” asked Dick

“It was very disappointing” replied Bronnie “that most of the Greens were in the Senate so I didn’t have the satisfaction of suspending them like the Labor MPs”

“You seem very disappointed” said Dick “at the way you were treated by your lovechild over the helicopter affair”

“I no longer regard him as my lovechild” responded Bronnie “but rather the consequence of a sordid political affair”

“Do you miss suspending Labor MPs?” asked Dick

“Not at all” replied Bronnie “because I still do it. If I go into a restaurant and find Labor MPs in there I insist on them being kicked out. It’s vital to retain standards”

“So you’re not really thinking of retiring then” observed Dick

“No not really’ said Bronnie “because while I’ve accepted that I’ll never become PM and there’s no sign Malcolm will dump Julie and make me Foreign Minister I haven’t ruled out starting my own party”

“That’s a fascinating concept” said Dick “what would be your main policies?”

“My signature policy” announced Bronnie “would be unlimited parliamentary travel allowances for the Speaker and the cabinet. It’s unconscionable that due to budgetary constraints the people running the country aren’t in a position to guarantee whether they’re coming or going”

“So I take it that you don’t regard a first-class helicopter service between Melbourne and Geelong to be excessive expenditure” commented Dick

“Of course not” responded Bronnie “it would only have been excessive if I’d travelled via Sydney”

“What is the biggest problem you now face” asked Dick

“It’s becoming increasingly difficult to maintain my hairstyle” replied Bronnie “I have to sleep in a diving helmet”

“Have you spoken to Malcolm recently?” asked Dick

“Absolutely not” replied Bronnie “I’ve made it perfectly clear that the only things I’m prepared to discuss with him are the Foreign Minister’s job or vacating my safe seat on condition I’m made Governor General or given carte blanche to turn the ABC into a fair and balanced on air version of The Daily Telegraph”

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About this Series
Dick’s outstanding career in political journalism owes much to recent advances in psychiatric treatment. In his role as a leading Canberra correspondent Dick enjoys an especially close rapport with all the leading politicians and the loony left because he’s met them all at the treatment centre.

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