Offering a uniquely Australian perspective on the US Presidential election

Dick Head Interviews

The Enema Within

The Enema Within

Friday 17 April, 2015
You’ll be absolutely riveted by Dick Head’s interview with Bill Shorten during which he reveals that opposing a feral phenomenon like the Abbott government is a full-time job which doesn’t afford the luxury of time for developing policies.
The story starts here...

The Dick Head Interview with Bill Shorten

Dick Head Reports on FridayMash

“Tell me Bill” said Dick “what is your opinion about the current nuclear negotiations with Iran?”

“I believe the Abbott government” replied Bill “is making a total mess of them”

“What have they got to do with the Abbott government?” Asked Dick

“It’s my policy to blame the Abbott government for everything” replied Bill “It demonstrates consistency and saves me wasting time on unnecessary policy development”

“Are you in favour of expelling Martin Ferguson” asked Dick “from the Labor Party”
“I don’t really have a view on that” replied Bill “because it’s difficult to blame Abbott for it”

“But if Martin gets expelled” said Dick “shouldn’t people like Michael Costa, Paul Keating and Bob Carr who expressed similar views be expelled as well?”

“That’s not covered by my Tony Abbott policy either” replied Bill “and illustrates the wisdom of my policy of not having policies. It means I don’t have to waste a lot of time defending my policies when I’m on such a winner trashing Abbott’s policies”

“But you’re the leader of the party” said Dick “people look to you to show leadership on critical issues”

“Well most of the critical issues are Abbott’s fault” said Bill “The ones that aren’t are hardly worth bothering about so I leave them to the unions”

“You nominated 2015 as your year of ideas” said Dick ‘when are you going to reveal the scope of this intellectual powerhouse?”

“Look” said Bill “I am having great ideas all the time. Only this morning I came up with the inspiration to start blaming Abbott for the Greens. Things like Christine Milne don’t happen without extreme provocation”

“People are beginning to call you the Hollow Man” said Dick

“That’s ridiculous” said Bill “I’m actually full of it”

“Do you think you’ll come up with any more policies before the 2016 election?” asked Dick

“I doubt it” replied Bill “blaming Abbott for everything is so credible it will probably be enough to see us through”

“Don’t you think there’s a danger” asked Dick “that people will start asking who is running the Labor Party you or the unions?”

“Of course not” replied Bill “they’ll simply understand that both the unions and myself are clearly Abbott’s fault”

Comments

About this Series
Dick’s outstanding career in political journalism owes much to recent advances in psychiatric treatment. In his role as a leading Canberra correspondent Dick enjoys an especially close rapport with all the leading politicians and the loony left because he’s met them all at the treatment centre.

View all articles in the Dick Head Interviews Series
Share with
Sign up for Mailing List

powered by MailChimp!

Advertisement

You may also like...

Don’t Kill Bill
Ged and Sally call in Bill to discuss why his career at the AWU is...
Nicking Off
Guy the Friday Mash Superfly was on a wall at a meeting of the SA...
In His Bad Books
Celebrated Canberra correspondent Dick Head interviews Kevin Rudd on...
Accentuating The Positive
In another of her enthralling dissertations about life in The Lodge...
Will Theresa Exit Before Brexit?
Pudding Club members wrestle with the question of whether Theresa is...
It’s All The Rage
The Friday Mash Motoring Editor discusses the latest techniques for...