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The Pudding Club Pontifications

The Ins and Outs of the EU

The Ins and Outs of the EU

Friday 18 March, 2016
Pudding Club members realise to their consternation that when it comes to the EU they can’t support both David and Boris.
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The Pudding Club section Friday Mash.com

Lord Noes, General Alarm and Sir Rah Sera savoured the juicy lamb cutlets at their Club lunch last week made all the more agreeable by a bottle of Mount Edward Pinot Noir from Central Otago.

“I say” said His Lordship “it’s time to take sides”

“And fight to the last man” added the General

“Are you for David” challenged His Lordship “or Boris?”

“Well I’m standing behind Boris” announced the General “It’s absolutely impossible for Britain to be Great while we have to bow and scrape to those continental crapbags in Brussels”

“Well I’m standing with David” said Sir Rah defiantly “because I believe the EU with all its faults is a superior option to the rest of the world with all its Putins, Assads and Trumps and furthermore it’s inconceivable that any position espoused by Nigel Farage is a remotely sensible alternative to anything”

“I have to confess” said His Lordship “to a recent tendency to vacillate but so far I’ve managed to avoid doing it in public. On the one hand David has my unconditional support and on the other I find to my utter astonishment that I’m actually starting to agree with Boris and it’s not just because he finally seems to have found himself a decent barber”

“Surely you must see” said the General “that despite the concessions David gained from Brussels the Frogs and the Krauts won’t rest until they have avenged Waterloo and the World Wars by having us completely subjugated by

Brussels to the degree that I won’t be able to scratch my arse without first applying to them for the approved itch alleviator”

“You do realise of course” said Sir Rah purposefully “that if we vote for a Brexit Boris would replace David as PM”

“Good God” expostulated His Lordship “I hadn’t considered that. The prospect of being adrift in the world with Boris at the helm conjures disturbing visions of us being a refugee nation denied sanctuary by Trump”

“I have an idea” said Sir Rah “we should invite both David and Boris to lunch with us separately to put their cases pro or con Brexit with a view to gaining our support”

“Damned good idea” said the General “but it could become a trifle confusing because I’ll probably Remain when Boris is here and Leave when David comes”

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About this Series
Located on the fashionable side of Pall Mall the Club is famous for counting some of the UK’s greatest political intellects among its members. Lord Noes, General Alarm and Sir Rah Sera convene there regularly to create the brilliant insights which David relies on so much to keep the ship of state on course.

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