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The Pudding Club Pontifications

The Last Refuge

The Last Refuge

Friday 6 November, 2015
Pudding Club members discuss ways of tackling the refugee problem and are astounded to find that an Aussie like Abbott has the answer.
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The Pudding Club section Friday Mash.com

Lord Noes, General Alarm and Sir Rah Sera decided to fortify themselves against a dismal Autumnal day with a hearty lunch of steak and kidney pudding – a Club speciality – and a bottle of Penfolds Bin 389 Cabernet Shiraz.

“I say” said His Lordship “did you hear what that chappie Abbott had to say at the Maggie do the other day”

“I thought he made a surprising amount of sense for an Australian” remarked the General

“When he was the Australian prime minister” interposed Sir Rah “he put a stop to all the refugee boats coming across from Indonesia”

“The fellow deserves a medal” said the General “how the hell did he manage that?”

“He established a line of Australian vessels between the two countries” replied Sir Rah “that not only prevented the boats reaching Australia but also sent the refugees back to Indonesia in lifeboats”

“What an absolutely brilliant idea” commented His Lordship “why didn’t the EU think of that?”

“Possibly because in direct contrast to Abbott” replied Sir Rah ‘they’re a bunch of lefty laissez-faire liberals”

“Come to think of it” said His Lordship “Abbott was born in the UK and got a boxing blue at Oxford”

“That explains it” said the General “I knew there must be more to him than just a larrikin colonial. A Maggie inspired man like that should be giving advice to David

“Abbott called the sea-borne refugee barrier he created Operation Sovereign Borders” said Sir Rah

“We should establish an Operation Sovereign Borders along the English Channel” said the General “and close down the Channel Tunnel as well”

“But that would be contrary to our obligations as a member of the EU” said Sir Rah

“Stuff those” said the General “after Nigel and I have persuaded the country to reject the EU at the referendum we’ll declare the UK a refugee-free zone”

“The problem I have with refugees” commented His Lordship “is that they only seem to go one way and that’s in our direction. And all these Bulgarians, Romanians and Syrians have never produced a single decent fly half or opening bat between them”

“You’re forgetting” said Sir Rah “that a few hundred have left here to go to fight for the Islamic State”

“And I think we should encourage thousands more to go and join them” said His Lordship “I’ve always believed that you should keep your friends close and send your enemies to the Middle East where they can get bombed by the US and Russia”

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About this Series
Located on the fashionable side of Pall Mall the Club is famous for counting some of the UK’s greatest political intellects among its members. Lord Noes, General Alarm and Sir Rah Sera convene there regularly to create the brilliant insights which David relies on so much to keep the ship of state on course.

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