Offering a uniquely Australian perspective on the US Presidential election

The New Banners

The New Banners

Friday 17 March, 2017
Pauline urges Malcolm to ban terrorists from buying tickets to the Opera House.
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Pauline urges Malcolm to ban terrorists from buying tickets to the Opera House.

 Just as Malcolm was busily preparing for Question Time in his office Pauline jetted in through his window and switched off her jet-pack.

“What the hell are you doing” enquired Malcolm testily “why can’t you make an appointment like everyone else?”

“I was just shopping in Belconnen” replied Pauline “and decided this was a matter of national importance that couldn’t wait”

“You mean repairing my window” suggested Malcolm

“No the matter of Muslims” replied Pauline “Trump has just banned them from entering the US from six countries and you should do the same here”

“That’s just plain racism” declared Malcolm “and I’m not having a bar of it”

“Malcolm” said Pauline reprovingly “it’s time you started taking notice of world leaders in the field of immigration like Trump and me. Iran, Yemen, Somalia, Libya, Syria and Sudan are all packed with terrorists who would love to come here and blow up the Opera House and you’re doing nothing to prevent them”

“Security at the Opera House is uncompromising” claimed Malcolm “they don’t sell tickets to anyone that Lucy and I don’t approve of. The only reason they allow Clover Moore in is that I vouch for her personally”

“What you have to understand Malcolm” explained Pauline “is that I represent the populist views of ordinary Australians and if you don’t make it possible for them to attend the Opera House in complete safety I’ll make it my business to ensure they come back to bite you in the 18C and possibly the 18B as well”

“I should like to make it absolutely clear” said Malcolm authoritatively “that there is even less chance of a terrorist attending a performance at the Opera House than there is of winning a WA election through exchanging preferences with you”

“Trump is showing the way to the world” declared Pauline “and if you choose to continue sitting on the fence the cracks will start to show in your backside as well as your refugee policy”

“Look Pauline” said Malcolm soothingly “I know the WA election has been a terrible blow to both of us but why don’t you coolly and calmly tell me your carefully considered views on Muslim immigration”

“Ban the lot of them” announced Pauline

“I can’t do that” responded Malcolm “Gillian Triggs would cause the most enormous fuss. I’ll tell you what I could do however ban all Muslims from coming here from North Korea”

“Ok” agreed Pauline “as long as North Korea doesn’t react by banning us from sending any to them”




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