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Dick Head Interviews

The Pissing Epidemic

The Pissing Epidemic

Friday 27 February, 2015
You’ll be absolutely spellbound by Dick’s dramatic interview with Peta Credlin in which she reveals she couldn’t run the country without Tony.
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Dick Head Reports on FridayMash


The Dick Head Interview with Peta Credlin

‘Now Peta’ said Dick ‘the question on everybody’s lips is are you going to resign?’

‘Good heavens no’ replied Peta ‘I can’t desert Tony in his hour of need’

‘Will you get fired then?’ asked Dick

‘That would be quite impossible’ said Peta ‘because Tony follows my advice on all personnel matters’

‘Is your role likely to change?’ asked Dick

‘Not unless Tony’s does’ replied Peta

‘Why’s that?’ asked Dick

‘Well the fact of the matter is’ replied Peta ‘and very few people know this, Tony suffers from PISS, politically incorrect sensitivity syndrome

‘How interesting’ said Dick ‘how does this affect him?’

‘If he’s left unattended’ replied Peta ‘or goes off on his own and forgets to take his tablets he gets an uncontrollable urge to say politically incorrect things’

‘You mean’ said Dick ‘he comes up with a holocaust of politically incorrect indiscretions?’

‘Precisely’ replied Peta ‘and I’m the only one who can diagnose impending outbursts and decide whether they should be treated with tablets or a period locked away in a loo’

‘Is there no cure for PISS?’ asked Dick

‘Apparently not’ replied Peta ‘although everyone seems to be trying to take it out of him’

‘So what you’re saying’ commented Dick ‘is that without you around Tony would constantly provoke manic moral outrage from the Greens and Tanya Plibersek and he would almost certainly be charged under Section 18C’

‘That’s correct’ said Peta ‘Tony would soon become unacceptably rude, insensitive, uncollegial and unconsultative and would be written off as just another prime ministerial plonker’

‘But can he survive as PM?’ asked Dick

‘It won’t be easy’ replied Peta ‘I’ll need to be onto the PISS 24/7’

‘Is PISS infectious?’ asked Dick

‘There’s a chance that Joe has caught it’ replied Peta ‘and most Coalition MPs are convinced that I’m a chronic case’

‘I’ve just heard Malcolm on radio’ said Dick ‘and he sounds really PISSed off’

‘Oh my goodness’ said Peta ‘I’d better hurry back to the office to give him some tablets’

Comments

About this Series
Dick’s outstanding career in political journalism owes much to recent advances in psychiatric treatment. In his role as a leading Canberra correspondent Dick enjoys an especially close rapport with all the leading politicians and the loony left because he’s met them all at the treatment centre.

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