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The Tasmanian Solution

The Tasmanian Solution

Friday 18 September, 2015
Jacqui and the Think Tank consider how Tasmanians can play a role in helping resolve the Syrian refugee crisis without getting involved in anything too foreign to them.
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Jacqui Lambie Think Tank masthead

Nazel Hare, Randy Mayle and Prof Penny Wise received a summons from Jacqui to attend a Think Tank session at Glad’s Tea Rooms last Thursday on a promise of feasting on Glad’s famous faggots.

“Look” said Jacqui “we’ve got to do our bit”

“I know” said Nazel “but there’s a limit to how many Syrians Tassie can take.

Besides they might not like it here. I used to know a Syrian who lived in Hobart and he had to be vaccinated against hypothermia”

“Tasmanians are caring humanitarians” said Jacqui “especially now Abbott’s gone and it’s up to us to set an example to the world. Now Randy you could accommodate at least two Syrians in your shed at the back”

“But that’s my passion parlour” protested Randy

“Well I’m sure the refugees would be only too keen to be involved in local affairs” said Jacqui “Now Nazel what about your Edie’s place, she’s got a lot of room at the front”

“Knowing Edie” said Nazel “they’d probably get a bit on the side as well”

“Tell you what” said Penny ‘we should definitely talk to the Greens. This would be an ideal opportunity to test out their carbon neutral lifestyle model living in trees”

“What are Syrians into?” asked Randy “I mean you never hear of Syrian carpets, cricket, opera, football or takeaway”

“Interesting point” commented Jacqui “I know they were an ancient civilisation so perhaps they’ve run out of steam like the Nationals”

“So they probably wouldn’t appreciate being housed in the pavilion at Bellerive Oval” said Randy “and seeing all the matches there for nothing”

“Surely the Bishop of Hobart could accommodate a few” said Penny “even if it meant running them down to the mosque several times a day”

“Come on you lot” said Jacqui “we’re not getting very far. Randy’s passion parlour and Edie’s front rooms aren’t going to make all that much difference to the global response”

“Will there be a generous government allowance for people taking in refugees?” asked Penny

“Good question” said Jacqui “I’ll have to blackmail Turnbull into stumping up by threatening to vote against the FTA. Now are there any more offers?”

“There’s accommodation at Burnie University for a Latin lecturer” said Penny

“Syrian is close enough” said Jacqui ‘What else?”

“I suggest we rename a remote village on the West coast Damascus” said Nazel

“just to make the Syrians feel at home”

“What a lovely thought” said Jacqui “and we could invite over some prominent Syrian like Assad to take part in the naming ceremony”

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About this Series
Friday Mash has gained exclusive access to the intellectual powerhouse behind the Lambie political phenomenon. Jacqui has assembled a Think Tank comprising the best minds in Tasmania. Nazel Hare is Jacqui’s campaign manager and President of the Lambie for PM Movement, Randy Mayle is the leader of the Tasmanics a star-studded group of star studs and Professor Penny Wise is the Head of Business Studies at Burnie University. The Think Tank meets regularly at Glad’s Tea Rooms just outside Launceston and Friday Mash will bring you regular reports of their intellectual discourse.

View all articles in the The Lambie Think Tank Series
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