Offering a uniquely Australian perspective on the US Presidential election

Kerryman - the Hair Apparent

The Truth About Hillary

The Truth About Hillary

Friday 5 August, 2016
Kerryman comes up with a brilliant idea to present Hillary as truthful and caring but Obama doubts whether it has enough credibility.
The story starts here...

Kerryman - The Hair Apparent personality FridayMash

“I thought Michelle made a great speech at the Convention” opined Obama

“As did you and I” confirmed Biden “while Bill and Tim Kaine were ok and Hillary did her best”

“So why is she two points behind Trump?” asked Obama

“It’s just possible” hypothesised Biden “that people don’t believe a word Hillary says and Bill’s been round the block more times than anyone cares to remember”

“But surely there must be some people who believe Hillary” said Obama hopefully

“Well” responded Biden “the FBI didn’t”

“Perhaps they believe Bill then” said Obama pensively “when he refers to her as the ‘change-maker’ and the ‘best ever prepared candidate for President’”

“Well people referred to you as the ‘change –maker’” pointed out Biden “but you turned out to be the same old same-old. And calling her the ‘best ever prepared candidate’ invites comparisons with Jeb Bush

“The question is” pondered Obama ‘how can Hillary be projected as a warm, selfless and generous angel of mercy dedicated to raising the human dignity of all Americans?”

“Well obviously she can’t” replied Biden “but Kerryman might have a suggestion because people have just as much trouble believing what he says as Hillary”

When he got a call from the White House Kerryman was at a symposium discussing how to tackle the threat of brain damage caused by ingrowing hair.

“Look here Kerryman” said Obama when he fronted” I’m terribly concerned that the public believe Trump when he calls Hillary ‘crooked’ but they don’t believe her when she refers to him as a ‘racist, sexist misogynist’”

“The trouble with Hillary” pronounced Kerryman “is that she believes the truth is a concept created by the Republican Party to put her at a disadvantage. The challenge for us is to invent a new type of truth for Hillary that the public would find credible”

“Well she could use the type of truth that I invented” suggested Obama

“I’m afraid that after eight years” cautioned Kerryman “it’s just about run out of credibility. My recommendation is that in future all Hillary’s speeches should be simulcast by Bernie and Tim Kaine. People still believe what Bernie says and if Tim delivered her speeches in Spanish it would be a big step forward for Hispanics to understand what she is saying even if they don’t believe it”

“What if she becomes President?” asked Obama

“When a President doesn’t tell the truth” explained Kerryman “it’s merely assumed to be in the national interest”


About this Series
The Kerryman series tracks the career of a remarkable man who manages to combine the onerous duties of US Secretary of State with the desperate need to prevent himself becoming overgrown with hair by getting it cut at least twice a day. This probably explains why his barber has a bigger influence on US foreign policy than Obama.

View all articles in the Kerryman – Secretary in a State Series
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