The Pudding Club Pontifications
Theresa’s Last Stand
Pudding Club members believe that Theresa will hang on bravely until she goes down under the combined weight of the electorate , the EU, the Conservative Party and a revelation that she colluded with the Russians to defeat Corbyn.
Lord Noes, General Alarm and Sir Rah Sera lunched last week on roast beef and salad washed down by an uncommonly drinkable example of a pinot noir from the Marlborough region of New Zealand.
“I say” said His Lordship “the country is going to hell in a clapped out old fire engine that couldn’t even put out the cat”
“Anyone who voted for Corbyn to become Prime Minister” declared the General “should be either certified, tried for treason or sent for an indoctrination course at the Marie Le Pen Academy of post-Democratic studies”
“Hold on a minute” interposed Sir Rah “Theresa ran a campaign that made Ed Miliband look like the reincarnation of John F Kennedy. She’s got about as much empathy with Joe Average as Trump has with politics”
“There’s no question that she’s stuffed” confirmed His Lordship “Members of the Party believe they’d stand a better chance with Jose Mourinho leading them at the next election and I hear the EU believe it would be preferable if Nigel Farage were leading the Brexit negotiations”
“What we need” pronounced the General with authority “is someone at Number 10 who’s a genuine Brexiteer rather than an opportunist like Theresa. Boris is not ideal but at least he’s someone who genuinely appreciates the advantages of free trade agreements with New Zealand and the Cocos Islands over membership of the EU”
“What are the chances” asked Sir Rah “of Theresa stitching up a coalition with the DUP?”
“About a couple of billion quid” advised the General
“I just can’t believe what’s happening” said His Lordship despondently “first of all David for whom I have the utmost admiration makes an appalling mess of the referendum, then Theresa, a woman for whom I have unswerving admiration, completely botches the election and then the British public, in whom I place absolute trust, almost goes and votes a complete dipstick like Corbyn in as Prime Minister. It almost makes me want to abandon all hope and go and live at Southend”
“How do you think Theresa handled the startof Brexit negotiations?” asked Sir Rah
“She closed her eyes” asserted the General “and thought of groping for a free trade agreement with Trump”