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The Tony and Jacqui Oh No Show

The Tony and Jacqui Oh No Show

Friday 20 February, 2015
Members of Jacqui’s Think Tank are convinced that a Jacqui and Tony joint prime ministership could be a marriage made anywhere but in heaven.
The story starts here...

Jacqui Lambie Think Tank masthead

Nazel Hare, Randy Mayle and Penny Wise answered Jacqui’s summons to an emergency Think Tank session in the snack bar at Launceston Airport. They sensed that with Abbott looking about as secure as Clive crossing Niagara Falls on a tightrope it was time to rev the ‘Jacqui for PM’ campaign into overdrive.

‘Well Abbott’s stuffed’ said Nazel ‘it’s just a case now of persuading a majority of Coalition members that you’d be a better bet as PM than either Malcolm or Julie

‘There’s more to it than that’ said Penny ‘Jacqui has to present some compelling policies’

I’ve already announced that Abbott and Clive are absolute arseholes’ said Jacqui ‘the armed forces should be paid like rocket scientists and Federal Parliament should be transferred to Hobart because Canberra’s too close to all the ratbags in Sydney and Melbourne like Sarah Hanson Young who lives in Adelaide’

‘I believe you need to promise to get closer to the electorate’ said Penny

‘I agree’ said Randy ‘how about starting with me on a dirty weekend?

‘That would depend’ replied Jacqui ‘on whether you could come up with the right package’

‘We’ve got to develop a more prime ministerial image for you’ said Nazel ‘A suck-it-up scrubber from Tasmania is more the profile of a guest on the Kyle and Jacqui O show than a prime minster’

‘Brilliant idea Nazel’ said Randy ‘the prime ministership could become a joint ticket, the Tony and Jacqui Oh No Show

‘I’m not sure I could work with an arsehole like Abbott’ said Jacqui ‘he simply couldn’t understand my vision of how Tasmania could play a major role in solving problems in the Middle East

‘That’s not an issue’ said Penny ‘because we created that policy before we understood exactly where the Middle East was’

‘What you have to understand’ said Randy ‘is that Tony needs you desperately. All he’s got at the moment is Peta and her contribution to good government has obviously been inspired by Joe Tripodi and Eddie Obeid

‘Tony could be your Perfect Match’ said Nazel ‘I know he’s not a billionaire and he’s not the biggest budgie smuggler on the beach but his views on Clive are very similar to yours’

‘I know’ said Jacqui ‘but his politics are very different’

‘Get real Jacqui’ said Nazel ‘who gives a shit about politics when there’s a chance you could move into half the Lodge’

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About this Series
Friday Mash has gained exclusive access to the intellectual powerhouse behind the Lambie political phenomenon. Jacqui has assembled a Think Tank comprising the best minds in Tasmania. Nazel Hare is Jacqui’s campaign manager and President of the Lambie for PM Movement, Randy Mayle is the leader of the Tasmanics a star-studded group of star studs and Professor Penny Wise is the Head of Business Studies at Burnie University. The Think Tank meets regularly at Glad’s Tea Rooms just outside Launceston and Friday Mash will bring you regular reports of their intellectual discourse.

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