Offering a uniquely Australian perspective on the US Presidential election

Dick Head Interviews

Trump And Chips

Trump And Chips

Friday 18 November, 2016
Pauline explains to Dick that her strong attraction to Trump stems from the fact he’s the first man she’s ever encountered who doesn’t need to explain himself to her.
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dick-head-reports-e1411302950503“Tell me Pauline” began Dick “what’s your reaction to Trump winning the US Presidency?”

“I haven’t been so ecstatic” declared Pauline “since Tony launched Operation Sovereign Borders”

“Can you see any parallels” asked Dick “between the rise of Trump and your own political career?”

“Oh certainly” replied Pauline “we both got elected without having a clue what politics is all about and I’m proud to say I hadn’t changed a bit when I was elected the second time”

“Why do you think it is” asked Dick “that politicians in the US,UK and Australia have been so slow to grasp that people are absolutely pissed off with them?”

“Because they believe that not listening to what people really think” replied Pauline “is the only way they can avoid developing an incurable inferiority complex”

“What is it about you and Trump” asked Dick “that empowers you to speak out so effectively on behalf of the forgotten people?”

“I believe it’s because” replied Pauline “Donald and I are not only unforgettable personalities but people hate remembering us as well”

“But surely” commented Dick “you and Trump are actually very different people”

“It’s true he lacks my fish and chip mentality but there’s this wonderful synchronicity between us” explained Pauline “like two halfwits coming together to make a whole”

“Do you support all of Trump’s policies?” asked Dick

“Without question” replied Pauline “the essence of our beliefs is that the world would be a much less complicated and discontented place if all the Muslims, Asians and Hispanics stayed in their own countries and put an end to all the racism”

“Do you envisage you and Trump ever campaigning together?” asked Dick

“Well he’s offered to lend me a hand” revealed Pauline “but I took that to be just locker-room talk. However Melania has asked if she could plagiarise one of my speeches”

“Do you believe your association with Trump” asked Dick “can help you attain high political office in Australia?”

“Of course” replied Pauline “but I plan to take things slowly and allow Donald time to convince the world that politicians like Malcolm and Julia are the last sort of people you want running a country”

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About this Series
Dick’s outstanding career in political journalism owes much to recent advances in psychiatric treatment. In his role as a leading Canberra correspondent Dick enjoys an especially close rapport with all the leading politicians and the loony left because he’s met them all at the treatment centre.

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