Offering a uniquely Australian perspective on the US Presidential election

Trumpery in Tasmania

Trumpery in Tasmania

Friday 19 February, 2016
The Think Tank gives serious consideration to Jacqui adopting a more Trump-like political style but have doubts about whether she’s rude enough.
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Jacqui Lambie Think Tank masthead

Nazel Hare, Randy Mayle and Prof. Penny Wise were summoned to a Think Tank meeting at Glad’s Tea Rooms last week on the absolute assurance that Glad’s famous chicken fillets with mushy peas and chips would be served.

“Fancy Barnaby becoming Deputy PM” remarked Nazel “I’ve always believed Jacqui that you and he are a match made in political heaven”

“We’d make a hell of a pair” admitted Jacqui” but Malcolm’s not going to step aside any time soon and given his recent promotion I don’t think Barnaby would be over-excited by an offer of the deputy leadership of the Jacqui Lambie Network”

“So we’re stuck with Malcolm and Barnaby” said Randy “My grandmother always told me that life is about taking the rough with the smooth”

“I’ve been thinking” said Jacqui “about whether I should adapt my political style to become more like Trump”

“Interesting thought” said Penny analytically “but you have to keep in mind that a key part of his appeal is that he’s not a politician”

“Well if I worked really hard at it” exclaimed Jacqui “I reckon I could convince people I’m not a politician either”

“But Jacqui” said Nazel “do you really believe a kind, sensitive and beautiful soul like you could be as convincingly rude, insensitive, insulting and politically incorrect as Trump?”

“You know sometimes I think that’s the natural me” replied Jacqui “and I only put on the polish for politics”

“But to be like Trump” explained Penny “you’d have to claim that all politicians are plonkers and we should be beastly to foreigners”

“But everyone knows that politicians are plonkers” responded Jacqui “apart from obvious exceptions like me, the Brick with Eyes and Nick Xylophone. And I’m only multicultural when I’m in Canberra because it doesn’t seem to work as well down here”

“I think the Trump model is a great idea” announced Randy “Could I be on your Miss Universe judging panel?”

“The truth is” said Jacqui “that Aussies have had a gutful of Kevin, Julia and Tony and now they’re faced with a choice between two old plonkers like Malcolm and Bill. They’re desperate for someone like me to come along and save the joint from politicians”

“But do you really believe you could become a Trump?” asked Nazel

“Oh sure” replied Jacqui “it’s probably the only way I’m ever going to take a trick”

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About this Series
Friday Mash has gained exclusive access to the intellectual powerhouse behind the Lambie political phenomenon. Jacqui has assembled a Think Tank comprising the best minds in Tasmania. Nazel Hare is Jacqui’s campaign manager and President of the Lambie for PM Movement, Randy Mayle is the leader of the Tasmanics a star-studded group of star studs and Professor Penny Wise is the Head of Business Studies at Burnie University. The Think Tank meets regularly at Glad’s Tea Rooms just outside Launceston and Friday Mash will bring you regular reports of their intellectual discourse.

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