Clinic for the Electorally Brain Damaged
Two Disasters Waiting To Happen
This week Friday Mash’s renowned team of global correspondents address one of the most compelling whogivesashit issues of any time ‘Who would be a bigger disaster as President Trump or Hillary?’
A Hole – Australian social commentator; Hillary is obviously the best prepared candidate ever to become a Presidential disaster. Her CV comprises Whitewater, marriage and Monica, delusions of being targeted by a sniper when getting off a plane, Benghazi, plotting a takeover of the US government by the Clinton Foundation, using a personal computer system that was probably designed by Edward Snowden and attending Trump’s second wedding.
Hugo Morthanigo – EU correspondent; The only remaining hope for the future of the US as a civilised nation is the absorption of European culture, our art, our literature and our cuisine. At least Hillary has a connection with Chelsea but the only hope of a cultural renaissance under Trump would be wall painting along the Southern Border.
P E Doff – US correspondent; If Hillary became President no-one would ever know what a mess the country was in or how big a disaster she was because truth would be the first casualty of her Presidency. If Trump became President everyone would be too high on drugs or hammered to be capable of appreciating the scale of the disasters engulfing them. I believe the candidates are equally disaster-prone.
Tori Banger – UK correspondent; Trump without question would be the bigger disaster because his Presidency would deny the free world the chance to be led by a woman. This achievement would realise the ultimate feminist goal of gender inequality and enable Hillary to become the first US President in history to suffer sexist and misogynist attacks.
Dick Head – Canberra correspondent; Trump would not only be a bigger disaster than Hillary as President he would be the biggest disaster of all time. I forecast that within two years of becoming President he’d have to sell California back to Mexico to avert a looming economic disaster and the Mexicans would resettle there all the refugees that he’d just sent back to them.