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Dick Head Interviews

Ubiquitous Isolation

Ubiquitous Isolation

Friday 8 January, 2016
In this interview with Dick Head the Shadow Minister for Workplace Relations and Employment discusses prospects for the CFMEU becoming an ethics centre.
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Dick Head Reports on FridayMash

The Dick Head Interview With Brendan O’Connor

“So Brendan” said Dick “what is your general reaction to the Royal Commission’s Report into the unions?”

“The whole thing was a shameless, politically-motivated sham” replied Brendan

“designed to shitcan the unions the Labor Party and Bill Shorten”

“But it has uncovered widespread malpractice” said Dick

“It’s merely thrown up a few isolated instances” claimed Brendan “which have been made to look as though as though the unions are an organised crime syndicate”

“But Brendan” said Dick “the Commission has identified dastardly doings in the NUW, the ETU, the HSU, the CEPU, the AWU and the TWU and it found that the CFMEU are a bigger threat than the Triads”

“As I said” commented Brendan “those are all examples of isolated things in different unions. If Abbott had been really serious about fixing things all he had to do was have a word with me and I’d have popped down for a chat with my mates and sorted things out in no time”

“Brendan” said Dick sternly “how can you possibly claim that the Royal Commission was merely a politically motivated exercise when it has uncovered so much corruption?”

“What I’m claiming” said Brendan “is that it was an egregious political exercise that just got lucky and fell upon a dodgy deal or two by chance”

“But the chances are” said Dick “that following all the repercussions from this there will be more union officials serving at Her Majesty’s pleasure than Bill Shorten’s”

“The public will recognise this abomination for what it is” said Brendan “a futile Abbott attempt to treat us like we’re forced to treat employers”

“What new perspectives will the Royal Commission bring about in the union movement?” asked Dick

“Well first of all” replied Brendan “the unions will demand that the next Labor government sets up a Royal Commission into Abbott, pardons any union official prosecuted as a result of this one and avoids any hint of bias by banning the Commissioner from speaking at union meetings”

“Will it change the way the unions negotiate with employers? asked Dick

“Absolutely” replied Brendan “following legislation which I will propose when we get back into government it will become obligatory for employers to become union members and therefore any money passing between them and the unions will be categorised as membership fees”

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About this Series
Dick’s outstanding career in political journalism owes much to recent advances in psychiatric treatment. In his role as a leading Canberra correspondent Dick enjoys an especially close rapport with all the leading politicians and the loony left because he’s met them all at the treatment centre.

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