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Franglais Communiques

Up the Greek Creek without Anything

Up the Greek Creek without Anything

Friday 19 June, 2015
Friday Mash’s distinguished EU correspondent Hugo Morthanigo recently secured an exclusive interview with the Greek Prime Minister Alexis Tsipras. We are proud to bring you this exclusive account of their discussion.
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Franglais by Hugo Morethanigo on Friday Mash
“I was intrigued Alexis” said Hugo “that you have rejected the latest economic reform plan from the EU, the IMF and the ECB”

“It was entirely unacceptable” said Alexis “just because we’re broke they expect us to live in poverty”

“Is it not reasonable” asked Hugo “that your creditors should demand prudent economic measures in order to be reassured that you’re not going to piss the proposed €7.2 billion bailout down the same wall as you’ve pissed all the previous ones?”

“That sort of discredited capitalist thinking” replied Alexis “is exactly what is standing in the way of Greece becoming a leading world economic powerhouse”

“Are you serious?” asked Hugo

“Of course” replied Alexis “if €7.2 billion were poured into our economy without any restriction on how it should be defrayed our economy would take off. There wouldn’t be a dry wall anywhere in Greece”

“Surely” said Hugo “the IMF the EU and the ECB should reasonably expect some reassurance that not only would past debts be settled but also the €7.2 billion bailout wouldn’t be the prologue to another Greek tragedy”

“Let’s be absolutely clear about this” said Alexis “the Greek people voted my government into office because of our policies of not repaying debt, not accepting restrictive financial controls and causing world financial chaos if our creditors don’t agree to these reasonable demands”

“But there is no guarantee said Hugo “that you would spend the €7.2 billion any more prudently than FIFA”

“The bailout” said Alexis “would ensure Greek prosperity for at least a year and even longer if we get a grant from the Clinton Foundation. Think of the benefits to the rest of the world flowing from a prosperous Greece”

“Such as?” asked Hugo

“Well for a start we wouldn’t need any more bailouts” replied Alexis

“And what happens” asked Hugo “when all the bailout money runs out?”

“Greece’s future is assured” replied Alexis “because by that time we’d be so deeply in debt that if we went bust we’d take the whole world with us”

“Do you believe that Greece’s growing cycle of debt will ever be reversed?” asked Hugo

“Of course not” replied Alexis “because Greece is leading the way in creating the economic model of the future. It’s true I’m currently having problems convincing the rest of the EU but it’s only a matter of time before they realise that their future lies in bailouts from China”

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About this Series
Hugo is the doyen of EU political commentators who took Berlusconi to his first bunga bunga party and advised Francois Hollande that with his taste in women he should never get married. His special understanding of EU financial policies is the blessing bestowed by going bankrupt a few times.

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