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Weighing On Their Conscience

Weighing On Their Conscience

Friday 9 September, 2016
Guy the Friday Mash Superfly was on a wall in Bill Shorten’s office last week when Tanya and Albo came in for a chat about the gay marriage plebiscite. He’s just buzzed into the newsroom with this exclusive account of their discussion.
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Guy the FridayMash Superfly

“Malcolm’s gay marriage plebiscite” pronounced Tanya “is an absolute disgrace. It’s an arcane Abbott abomination that he’s got stuck with”

“I’m concerned” said Bill with obvious concern “that it could become the catalyst for a last homophobic hurrah”

“What we need to consider however” said Albo sagely “is that by punting the plebiscite we could be delaying the legalisation of gay marriage by at least three or four years and promote a situation where gay couples become so desperate they have to opt for a heterosexual marriage with one of them dressed in white”

“But the plebiscite” protested Tanya “would provide open slather for both papal and paedophile priests to shit-can brotherly love in their sermons”

“Look” said Albo patiently “the plebiscite on gay marriage in Ireland was a huge success. Despite the papal values being strongly promoted by the priesthood the Irish people voted overwhelmingly for marriage equality and the Catholic Church had no alternative but to suck it up religiously”

“But I’m in favour of a conscience vote” insisted Bill “because it could be a way to get the stabbings of Kevin and Julia off my conscience”

“Malcolm’s not going to bring on a conscience vote because the majority of the Coalition are not qualified to take part” explained Albo “but with sixty-odd percent of people now in favour of gay marriage the plebiscite offers a much better chance of bringing it on than waiting to see whether we can stagger through the next three years of opposition well enough to win the next election and force our MPs to vote for it even if they’re one-eyed religious heterosexuals”

“But the plebiscite could still result in a ‘no’ vote” persisted Tanya “like so many of them do”

“Not if it brought you and Malcolm together in a blessed union saying ‘yes’” opined Albo

“But the Greens don’t support the plebiscite” claimed Tanya

“They didn’t support Kevin’s ETS either” Albo reminded her “and just look at the mess that landed us in with Abbott taking direct action to save the world by reducing the price of electricity”

“Which do you think the Australian public would prefer” asked Bill “a plebiscite or a conscience vote in parliament?”

“It’s a no-brainer” replied Albo “Aussies would obviously prefer the chance to vote themselves rather than rely on the consciences of people like us”

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About this Series
Having stuck with a fly paper for many years Guy has become a celebrated political reporter through his unique ability to locate himself on the walls the prominent and powerful and listen in to their conversations. He is always careful to take with him a fly-spray early warning detector.

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