Whogivesashit about Christmas?
Friday Mash has gained exclusive reactions from world leaders on today’s most compelling issue.
Trump – I giveashit about Christmas, in fact no-one givesmoreofashit about it than I do. That’s why I’m absolutely committed to helping so many Mexicans spend next Christmas at home with their families. And remember the Chinese don’t giveashit about Christmas so you shouldn’t buy any presents made by them. I’m absolutely thrilled that my election as US President has caused so much joy in Russia that they’re not only starting to believe in Father Christmas but also to realise that it’s me.
Netanyahu – I don’t giveallthatmuchofashit about Christmas except for the boost it gives to our Winter tourism business.
Assad – I don’t giveashit about Christmas but I am aware it’s likely someone could be born in a manger in Aleppo on 25th December because we’ve bombed all the hospitals.
Hillary – I no longer believe in the US political system, the polls, my campaign team, the media, Beyoncé or Bruce Springsteen or my personal computer system.I’ve already cancelled the White House Christmas Party I’d planned for 2017 and as for Christmas 2016 I couldn’t giveashit.
Nigel Farage – This year I’ve won the Brexit referendum, knocked David Cameron out of politics, thrown the EU into chaos and become a valued confidante of Trump. So clearly I givethebiggestshitever that all my Christmases have come at once.
Malcolm – It’s such a relief to be able to giveashit about Christmas because with Tony, Eric and Cory around I’m unable to giveashit about other things I believe in like climate change and gay marriage.
Bill – I giveashit about Christmas because that’s the ACTU’s policy.
Richard Di Natale – The Greens givemuchmoreofashit about Christmas than the Coalition and Labor. That’s why if we ever got into government people would enjoy a carbon neutral festive season with a ban on Christmas lights and everyone going cold turkey.
Theresa May – While the British people undoubtedly giveashit about Christmas we’re not all that keen about continuing to take part in the EU’s annual attempt at playing Father Christmas for the Greeks.