The Pudding Club Pontifications
Will Theresa Exit Before Brexit?
Pudding Club members wrestle with the question of whether Theresa is a lame duck or an old hen.
Lord Noes, General Alarm and Sir Rah Sera fortified themselves against the onset of Autumn by lunching at the Club last week on steak and kidney pudding with a therapeutic dosage ofGigondas.
“I say” said His Lordship “you’ve got to feel sorry for all those EU member countries that are now facing a future without the reassurance of the UKon board”
“Serves them bloody-well right” remarked the General “although I’ve reassured my Parisian paramour of my unflagging intention to remain irrespective of what happens with Brexit”
“Very decent of you old chap” opined His Lordship “I understand nothing quickens the pulse-rate of a continental kitten like the sight of an Englishman with his trousers off”
“No woman can resist the allure of a full y-frontal ” advised Sir Rah
“I’m coming to the conclusion” reasoned the General thoughtfully “that Theresa’s got to go”
“I’m amazed she’s still there” commented his Lordship “you’d think that any woman who loses that many seats to Jeremy Corbyn would be overcome with embarrassment and spend the rest of her life in a nunnery”
“All things considered” said Sir Rah considerately “David was by and large a pretty good PM. He may have made a pig’s ear of the referendum which led to Brexit and Boris becoming Foreign Minister but if he’d ever done anything half as dire as calling an election to increase his majority and then ending up having to beg and plead with the Ulster Unionists of all people he’d not only have resigned as Prime Minister but he’d also have done the absolutely honourable thing and resigned as an Old Etonian”
“Well what the hell are we going to do?” demanded the General “We’ve got a shot bird as Treasurer and a lame duck as Prime Minister”
“We shouldn’t do anything” advised His Lordship “Any Prime Minister who tackles Brexit is going to get burned and in Theresa’s case it won’t matter because she’s gone up in smoke already. Then after it’s over we can appoint a PM post-Brexit who hasn’t had his or her fingers burned”
“I must say” said the General thoughtfully “I’ve always thought Boris or Nigel were the ideal PMs for Brexiting because their crash or crash-through approach is tailor-made for driving a trainwreck”
“I agree with His Lordship” stated Sir Rah “it’s better to leave someone at the controls who has proved herself expendable”
“It’s absolutely vital” stressed His Lordship “that we begin searching for the next David Cameron to take over as PM when the Brexit hullabaloo has died down”
“Why on earth would you want to do that” demanded the General “when Boris will be ready to take over?”
“Because” responded His Lordship “we’ll need someone to save the country by leading us back into the EU”