Offering a uniquely Australian perspective on the US Presidential election

Tales from Tony’s Minder

The World According to Tony

The World According to Tony

Friday 28 November, 2014
In the wake of the G20 Tony discusses with Peta his direct action plan to combat climate change by growing the world economy by an extra 2%.
The story starts here...

Tony's Minder - Friday Mash's coverage of Tony Abbott & Peta Credlin

‘Hurray’ said Tony ‘after my outstanding leadership at the G20 I’ve become one of the world’s great statesmen’

‘Let’s not get carried away’ I said ‘you’re in the top half of Division Two. You’re certainly not in the same league as Obama, Xi, Putin, Merkel and Cameron’

‘Well that’s your perception’ said Tony ‘but it’s merely based on the premise that Australia’s got a much smaller population’

‘I reckon you’re about forty million short of a promotion to Division One’ I said

‘Then perhaps I should consider a radical change to my immigration policy’ said Tony

‘Are you serious?’ I exclaimed ‘that would mean you’d be in an alliance with the Greens’

‘The question is’ said Tony ‘how am I going to build on the momentum I created in Brisbane?’

‘First of all’ I said ‘you should tell Obama to go and get stuffed over what he said about your climate change credentials’

‘I know’ said Tony ‘what a bloody cheek. The way he was crapping on you’d think he’d actually done a deal with China to reduce their carbon emissions. The guy’s an absolute goose’

‘Well actually’ I said ‘he’s a lame duck. I’ve been thinking though that it’s time you took climate change more seriously’

‘Look I can’t do everything’ said Tony ‘I’m concentrating on leading the world in economic growth so I can’t do climate change as well. Actually I think China’s got the right idea, forget about reducing carbon emissions till 2030 and build the economy instead’

‘That won’t wash’ I said ‘you’re committed to producing emission reduction objectives at the climate change conference next year’

‘That’s easy’ said Tony ‘I’ll just submit the same plans as China with reductions starting in 2031’

‘Look’ I said ‘what you have to keep in mind is that all this climate change stuff could be ridgy-didge and if you ignore it you could look like the guy who prepared for a shit-storm by buying a toilet roll’

‘I know what I’ll do’ said Tony ‘I’ll retaliate by going over to the US to make a speech criticising Obama’s economic record’

‘No-one would listen’ I said ‘because it’s just stating the bleedin’ obvious’

Comments

About this Series
In her role as Tony’s Minder Peta does an incredibly good job of keeping him looking prime ministerial and preventing him reverting to his natural larrikin self. Her continuing success in the position has led to job offers in lion-taming and doing something similar for Clive.

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