Just as Tony Abbott was trying to change the colour of the black hole in his budgeting the Abbattphone rang.

‘There’s a very serious situation developing for The Welsher’ said Johnnie from the Abbattoperations Room. We again see a real danger that Dudd could knife her before the next election. Given the chance he could be more popular with the electorate than The Welsher we need to keep her in the job. It’s time for Dudd to get more agonising advice from Abbattman’

Tony immediately grasped the significance of all this. Obviously the terrible tasering he gave Dudd a few months back had worn off and it seemed he was preparing to give The Welsher a tap on the shoulder with a telegraph pole.

He sensed this could be one of his greatest-ever challenges. So as he changed into the Abbattgear he made sure the Abbattaser was switched to maximum power mode.

As the Abbattbike crashed through his office door Dudd was just writing out a cheque to pay for the repairs after the damage it did the first time.

‘You Abbattbastard’ cried Dudd ‘why can’t you knock like everyone else? A control freak like me can hardly be expected to maintain an open door policy’

‘Despite the tortuous tasering I gave you on my last visit’ said Abbattman ‘I hear that once again you’re thinking of having a stab at The Welsher’

‘You surely can’t complain about that’ said Dudd ‘She’s running the country like she’s head of the Health Services Union’

‘I am here to warn you Dudd Vader’ said Abbattman quite sternly ‘that if you persist in luring people like Chris Blow-in over to the Dark Side I could become your worst Luke Skywalker nightmare’

‘You don’t know the power of the Dark Side’ said Dudd ‘I warn you Abbattman that if you stand in our way the power I shall unleash will create so many carbon emissions that Tony Abbott will be pleading for an increase in the carbon tax’

‘You may scare Princess Welsher with your evil erroneousness’ said Abbattman ‘but I will never allow your notorious nihilism to pillage the Princess and do the dirty on Tony’s destiny’

‘The Dark Side shall prevail’ proclaimed Dudd just before he was hit by three maximum power volleys in the voice box from the Abbattaser. It wasn’t surprising that it took him time to regain his senses because he’d been separated from them since Copenhagen.

‘Sorry Abbattman’ said Dudd ‘I got a bit carried away. I love being Foreign Minister and I couldn’t possibly be a party to any harm befalling The Welsher. I will ensure that all those I’ve lured to the Dark Side will see The Light. Furthermore I will ensure that The Welsher will not be stabbed unless she stuffs up so badly that you beg me to do it’

Well satisfied with the success of his mission Abbattman was about to rev up the Abbattbike and scarper when Dudd said ‘Oh by the way you owe me three thousand dollars for the two doors you’ve wrecked’