Yap No: 25

‘Big O’ I said’ I thought your speech at the Tucson memorial was really inspiring’

‘Thanks Bo’ said Big O ‘I’m still terribly worried about the whole question of guns’

‘So am I’ I said ‘It was unfortunate that the Founding Fathers conferred the right to carry arms on all Americans. It means that in today’s society guns can be carried even by people who can’t be trusted with them like Dick Cheney’

‘The folks have to be able to defend themselves’ said Big O

‘But the people they have to defend themselves against’ I said ‘are gangsters and deranged loonies who carry guns’

‘It would be almost impossible to bring in a law selectively banning gangsters and deranged loonies from carrying guns’ said Big O ‘besides most of them vote Democrat’

‘I have to remind you’ I said ‘that bringing in some sort of gun control is very much in your own interest. Four US presidents have been assassinated and one or two others like Ron Reagan have been wounded in action’

‘You’re my biggest risk’ said Big O ‘because I have to talk to you without my security team.

‘But I’m betting that you can’t fire a gun’

‘I’m a shooting star in the dog world’ I said ‘but don’t worry, if anything happened to you I’d be a shot dog as well’

‘You know’ said Big O ‘the Founding Fathers were right at the time to allow American citizens to defend themselves against lawlessness and a possible comeback by the British’

‘That was logical’ I agreed ‘because it’s impossible to get the Brits’attention short of firing off a few rounds at them. But according to the latest briefing from Wikileaks there seems no imminent prospect of them threatening us with a Falkland Islands re-run. You don’t carry a gun do you?’

‘Well no’ said Big O ‘but the Tea Party consider me to be a good Marxman’

‘That’s pretty funny’ I said ‘but here’s an idea for you. If you don’t think you can ban guns how about banning bullets’

‘That’s absolutely brilliant Bo’ said Big O ‘but I’ll need you to give me as much ammunition as possible to get it through Congress. By the way who do you think will win the Superbowl this year?’

‘The Jets’ I replied ‘My Redskins are never going to win anything unless General Custer is leading the opposition’

‘What do you think of the plan for Democrats and Republicans to sit together during my State of the Union Address?’ asked Big O

‘I think it will cause as much disruption’ I said ‘as Nancy Pelosi at a Tea Party Rally’

‘That reminds me’ said Big O ‘you and I have to get together to prepare the State of the Union address’

‘You know’ I said ‘if I were you I’d give it a miss this year. You’ve already done two and I think it might fall a bit flat without Nancy Pelosi there to bob up behind you every few seconds to lead the applause’