Story No. 16

‘George’ I said ‘you’ve got to secure the border with Mexico’

‘Come on Barney’ said George ‘we’ve been through all that stuff before and you’re barking up the wrong tree’

‘Very funny’ I said ‘but as you know George I’m not one to let sleeping dogs lie. You’ve heard of the Mexican Wave. Well if you leave that border open much longer, forget the football stadium, you’ll have one right round the country’

‘I don’t know what you’re worried about’ said George ‘We simply turn a blind eye to a few million Hispanic illegals because they’re a great source of cheap labour and Vincente Fox loves it because they send all their cash home’

‘George’ I said ‘you’re sworn to uphold the US Constitution but you’re running the country like a rundown baseball stadium. You have to pay to get in through the main entrances but you can get in free through a hole in the bleachers’

‘I think it’s very civilised’ said George ‘that Mexicans can stroll into our country and we can take a stroll into theirs when we feel like it. And it makes me feel good that we’re lending a helping hand to the Mexican economy’

‘That elevates you to the same status as the drug barons’ I said ‘and they love your open door border policy’

‘And just think of the huge savings in the Immigration Service’ said George ‘not having to process all those millions of people’

I sensed it was time to play my trump card.

‘Listen George’ I said ‘I hope you understand that all these Hispanics which are pouring in could one day become US citizens. And guess which party Hispanics vote for, the Democrats’

‘Good heavens Barney’ said George ‘this is a national emergency. We’ve got to take action immediately to stop this illegal immigration outrage. This is a clear and present danger and we’ve got to send the army down there immediately’

‘Wait a minute George’ I said ‘you haven’t got enough troops. The border with Mexico is nineteen hundred miles long. To guard it effectively you would have to bring back all the troops from Iraq and Afghanistan and ask the Taliban and Al Queda if you could borrow some of theirs into the bargain’

‘Perhaps we should invade Mexico’ said George

‘Bad idea George’ I said ‘not only would Vincente Fox stop coming to Camp David for tortilla weekends but that would achieve the impossible dream of uniting Fidel Castro, the UN and the Mexican drug barons in a coalition of the willing’

‘I know’ said George ‘I’ll let them in as long as they promise to vote Republican’

‘George’ I said ‘you’ve got to build a wall nineteen hundred miles long.. And get some Staffordshire Terriers to patrol it. The Scottish Terriers like me got the brains but they got the teeth’

‘That’s a helluva lot of wall’ said George

‘Well look at it this way’ I said ‘it could become a tourist attracton to rival the Great Wall of China’

‘So let’s get this straight’ said George ‘by building this wall I’d be keeping out drug runners and Democrat voters. But wouldn’t I also be keeping out all that cheap labour that we rely on to keep the economy strong?’

“Absolutely right George’ I said ‘you’d be creating the perfect Mexican Standoff’

Tags: Afghanistan, Al Qa’ida, Al Queda, Bush & Barney, Bush and Barney, Fidel Castro, George Bush, George W Bush, Great Wall of China, Hispanic illegals, Iraq, Mexican Wave, Mexico, Taliban, US Constitution, Vincente Fox

This entry was posted on Friday, January 29th, 2010 at 7:58 am and is filed under Bush and Barney. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.