Unconscious Decisions

Doctor’s are delighted that Kevin and Nicola Roxon have become such frequent visitors to hospitals. They have recognised them as the clinically preferred way of sending patients into an induced coma.

Once Bitten

The Apple Isle has appeal on the outside, is quite sweet on the inside but its politics are enough to give you the pip.

Waste Measurement

Responding to criticism that his asylum seeker policy is all at sea, his ETS policy has gone cold, his BER programme has failed the test, his home insulation scheme has burnt out and his hospitals scheme is the wrong medicine, Kevin challenged Tony Abbott to come up with policies which are a better waste of money.

Conservation Consternation

The Greens in Tasmania have taken steps to ensure the Bartlett doesn’t become extinct. Even environmentalists are puzzled as to why they would want to preserve this devious creature as a premier species.

A People Person

Tony Burke has become Australia’s first Population Minister. He will be spending most of his time counting arrivals at maternity wards and Christmas Island. Population growth is simply a matter of course, the people smugglers’ course and intercourse.

Severe Weather Warning

Scientists believe the next global warming disaster will be the re-emergence of Penny Wong with a new ETS.

Afghans Hounded

In a brilliant pre-emptive move Kevin has thwarted the Taliban plan to take over Afghanistan by forcing the rest of the population to migrate to Australia.

Working Themselves to a Standstill

Responding to the news that motorists had been abandoned for up to ten hours in the F3 Motorway traffic foul-up, the NSW Government said it wasn’t their responsibility because you can’t expect the premier or the transport minister to be responsible, the incident proved their theory that by reducing traffic speeds to 1km per hour you improved road safety, their counter-flow system worked brilliantly when it was introduced eight hours after the accident and get stuffed and go by train next time.