UK Report by Tori Banger

Bigoted Grandmas Push for Power

A fourth major political force has suddenly emerged in the UK election. Some commentators believe that voters are so disillusioned with Brown, Cameron and Clegg that the Bigoted Grandmas Party could seize power.

The party leader, Gillian Duffy, clearly won a televised debate against Gordon Brown but let’s face it virtually anyone can do that.

Latest polls put the Bigoted Grandmas just behind the Conservatives and they are expect to mount a late surge based on the claim they are even more bigoted against politicians than immigrants.

Gillian said she’d always voted Labor but since she had realised how bigoted the prime minister was against bigoted grandmas she determined that there must be a voice for grassroots bigotry in national affairs.

She claimed she wasn’t that interested in becoming the prime minister but was willing to take it on if the groundswell of bigotry continued to surge.

In a show of outright defiance Gordon Brown has blockaded himself in No. 10 and has decided to stay in office through disproportional representation measures which allow Labor MPs two votes in parliament. The Bigoted Grandmas are preparing to drop a couple of bombshells on him, however, by claiming that the Queen has declared herself a Bigoted Grandma and Prince Philip has agreed to become the party’s patron.

Nick Clegg is confident the Liberal Democrats will storm home through millions of postal votes from all the immigrants he’s planning to bring in.

David Cameron is supremely confident he’ll get the top gig because economic indicators confirm that after five more years of Gordon Brown the UK would qualify for overseas aid from Greece.

In a late interview Gillian Duffy reaffirmed her belief that the country needed a bigotry-led revival and her party was forming a coalition with the Bigoted Grandpas.

Tori Banger will file a special report on Monday in Friday Mash on the outcome of the UK election.