UK Report by Tori Banger

David Cameron and Nick Clegg have denied that their Coalition agreement requires them to undertake consideration of gay marriage. Neither of them is expecting a proposal at this stage.

David said he’d got much more pressing problems like his wife is expecting a baby and the revelation that after he’d inspected the national accounts that Labor had left behind he’d already had one.

He confirmed that the budget to be brought down shortly would contain ground breaking measures like asking Greece for a loan and eliminating the national debt by asking MPs to refund the parliamentary expenses they rorted.

There has been strong criticism about the high number of old Etonians in the new parliament and the low number of women. A government spokesman was confident that this imbalance could be effectively redressed by persuading Eton to educate girls.

There has been much intriguing speculation about who will succeed Gordon Brown as leader of the Labor Party. Many commentators believe there is the strong possibility of a leadership duopoly such as the two Milibands or Balls.

Gordon Brown has been inundated with job offers since he stepped down. Scottish gourmets are keen for him to promote a chain of haggis restaurants. They believe that for someone who for years was so convincing about the UK economy being in good shape, promoting haggis restaurants would be a doddle.

Astute political judges believe that Gordon will end up leading his own political party called the Browns. They are not yet clear about the exact form the party will take but believe it will resemble the Greens after someone has shat all over them.

David and Nick are confident their Coalition will last for the full five years. Perhaps they’re relying on the lower divorce rate for gay marriage.

Tori Banger is contemplating a Coalition with a Conservative MP