Newsletter from Australia

White House,
Washington DC.,

7th May 2010

Dear Mr. President,

You know how much I love Kevin but I can’t help feeling a bit shitty with him this week.

If there’s one thing Neville and I hate more than the Eels being beaten by Manly its doing tax returns. They’re such a damned nuisance and if you make a mistake the Tax Office treats you like a Manly supporter at Parramatta Stadium.

So when Kevin and Wayne got some Hooray Henry to do a review of the tax system ‘Hoo-bloody-ray’ I thought. He’s bound to find that we’re spending far too much time on being government tax agents and they’re nicking far too much tax off us.

Would you believe Hooray Henry made one hundred and thirty-eight recommendations to change the tax system and Kevin’s activated two.

I’m outraged. Not a single word of apology from anyone about taking up too much of our time filling in GSTs and BASs and taking too much tax off us, nor a word of thanks for all the thousands Neville and I have contributed over the years.

And I’ll tell you what really gets my goat. There was diddly-squat about checking whether the government wasting all that tax money. I hope they haven’t squandered my taxes on the crappy COLAs, batts and the ETS.

I used to think that Kevin wore a hard hat in case something fell on him at a building site but it’s just dawned on me that its because people are throwing stuff at him.

I’m so disappointed. I almost think the best thing Kevin could do for working families is bugger off. I’m sorry, I know I get carried away and I’ll probably love Kevin again next week because sure as hell I’ll never vote for that Tony Abbott.

And then if there wasn’t enough bad news this week Malcolm’s changed his mind about retiring. I must say however that I enjoyed his time as leader of the Coalition because Kevin hit record poll numbers as preferred prime minister.

But just imagine what it would be like if Tony became prime minister. They could shut the parliament in Canberra because his government would operate like the Tour de France.

If Julia’s got a Field Marshal’s baton in her knapsack now might be the time to dust it off and start conducting a few overtures to her Labor Party colleagues.

We didn’t have World Affairs Think Tank session this week because Mildred, who was supposed to organise it, went off for a dirty weekend with a St George supporter. That’s the only sort of weekend you can expect from that mob.

Sorry to hear about your oil problem. Our Mavis’ Bert knows a guy who works at BP but he didn’t think he could help.

Till next week.

Gaelene Woo
President

Tags: BAS, BP, Coalition, COLA, ETS, Gaelene Woo, GST, Henry Tax Review, Julia Gillard, Labor Party, Malcolm Turnbull, Manly, Parramatta, Roger Pugh, St George, Tony Abbott, Wayne Swan

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