Obama Fan Club Newsletters
Newsletter from Australia
White House,
Washington DC.,
16th April 2010
Dear Mr President,
I’m not even going to talk about the Eels. Fancy losing at home to Canberra. Neville had to take a day off on Tuesday suffering hypertension surplus syndrome.
As you know Julia’s such a lovely woman and you know me, I don’t like to criticise, but I can’t help feeling her BER’s another big stuff-up.
I think she means well but she’s a bit headstrong if you know what I mean. She’s minister for everything and then she comes up with Building the Education Revolution which is miraculously going to save Australia from the global financial crisis and save our kids from schools built by pommie convicts.
For months Julia’s been saying that the BER is the biggest thing since Malcolm’s ego and how dare the media criticise it because she’s taken the trouble to tell them that it has saved hundreds of thousands of jobs and saved our kids from illiteracy and uncovered outdoor learning areas and who cares about one or two little rip-offs because that’s life and her auditors will be on to them.
Suddenly things have changed. The whiff of rorting has become a real stink. Apparently everyone’s been getting in for their chop especially the state governments. It seems rorting the BER has become bigger than rorting the home insulation scheme. And most of the school buildings which cost squillions look like they’ve been nailed together by Neville after he came home pissed one night.
So about a year too late Julia’s set up an Inquiry because her rigorous auditing system has either been rorted or needs auditing. The Inquiry’s costing fourteen million. Can you believe that? I could have told Julia what’s wrong for the cost of a gin and tonic, a Chinese takeaway and a lager.
I think in future Kevin should apologise and set up an Inquiry in advance of doing anything. Now would probably be the right time for his hospitals plan.
Kevin’s developed a great strategy to keep asylum seekers in detention centres rather than letting them into the country. As I said to Marge the other day I’m sure this is the start of a plan to build up the Tamil Tiger population on Christmas Island before giving it to them as their homeland. The place is becoming far too expensive for us to keep running it.
The World Affairs Think Tank met on Tuesday to discuss the Fiji situation again. We’ve all got holidays booked there this year and Frank Bainimarama’s going raving mad again and censoring the press.
We decided we’d still go because we’ve paid the deposits and don’t like Bali. But we’ve written to Frank requesting a chat to tell him that if he doesn’t get off the kava and do something sensible we’re going to Vanuatu next year and he can stick his Fiji Bitter up his cyclone alley.
As I said to Neville this is the sort of desperate mindset a country can get into when it realises its only friend is New Zealand.
Till next week,
Gaelene Woo
President
Tags: asylum seekers, Bali, BER, Building the Education Revolution, Canberra Raiders, Christmas Island, detention centres, Eels, Fiji, GFC, global financial crisis, hospital plan, Julia Gillard, Kevin Rudd, Malcolm Turnbull, New Zealand, Tamil Tiger
Posted in Obama Fan Club | No Comments »
Newsletter from Australia
White House,
Washington DC.,
9th April 2010
Dear Mr President,
You are simply not going to believe this. My beloved Eels got beaten by the Cronulla Sharks of all people. That’s like your mob the Chicago White Sox getting trounced by the Alaskan Little Leaguers coached by Sarah Palin.
I follow the Eels religiously especially at Easter but sometimes my faith is sorely tested especially now that the Tigers are playing like Angels.
What do you think about this dreadful business with the catholic priests. I hope you’ve given the Pope a bit of a rollocking over it. I’d love to give him a piece of my mind. Fancy confessing to someone who’s got more to confess than you have. If he needs any help tell the Pope I’ve got a guaranteed way of making a prelate celibate. Give him a good hard kick in the cobblers.
I was shocked to hear that Malcolm’s getting out of politics though I wont miss him much and neither will Tony. Fancy trying to get Kevin fired for doing his mate John a good turn. Then he tried to help Kevin with the ETS and really stuffed that. And I wouldn’t be at all surprised if it was Malcolm who persuaded Kevin to get into that insulation mess.
Malcolm reminded me of someone driving one of those Toyota cars with the accelerator jammed on 200kms an hour. He was racing flat out towards the prime ministers office knocking over Brendan Nelson and Godwin Grech on the way before finally crashing into the ETS barrier which Kevin had craftily put in his way.
I’m terribly worried that Kevin is overheating. He’s trying to stop global warming and people’s roofs catching fire while Tony’s applying a blowtorch to his backside over schools and hospitals.
Neville says that if you’ve got a few bucks to spare he’ll go into partnership with you in a hospitals building company and there might still be some business to pick up from schools. In view of where most of his stimulus money’s been going recently I’m sure Kevin would see it as an improvement if some of it landed up in the US.
Owing to the Easter break we didn’t have a meeting of the World Affairs Think Tank this week. Hope that’s ok with you. Instead Mildred and I went down to the Canberra Press Club to hear Bob Brown talk about securing Australia’s future energy needs. According to him coal and gas are a total no-no, nuclear power is worse and all he’s keen on is wavepower and windpower. It all sounded like a load of piss and wind to me.
Have you read about that huge Chinese ship carrying coal which crashed into the Barrier Reef? Bloody outrage. I’d arrest the captain and charge him with cruising round the Barrier Reef without a licence from Queensland Tourism. Then I’d sentence him to ten years and send him back to China in exchange for Stern Hu and a massive iron ore contract.
Till next week,
Gaelene Woo,
President
Tags: Alaskan Little Leaguers, Balmain Tigers, Barrier Reef, Bob Brown, Brendan Nelson, Canberra Press Club, Chicago White Sox, China, Cronulla Sharks, education revolution, Eels, ETS, global warming, Godwin Grech, healthcare, iron ore, John Howard, Kevin Rudd, Malcolm Turnbull, Queensland Tourism, Sarah Palin, Stern Hu, stimulus, The Pope, Tony Abbott, Toyota cars, US
Posted in Obama Fan Club | No Comments »
Newsletter from Australia
White House,
Washington DC.,
1st April 2010
Dear Mr President,
Last week when I was in Canberra I popped into the US Embassy and introduced myself to Jeff Bleich your ambassador. Such a lovely man.
Would you believe he invited Neville and me to have afternoon tea with you and Michelle during your visit in June. I’m so thrilled I think I’ll burst. Jeff asked me to talk to you about the world’s first Obama Fan Club because he thinks its an absolutely brilliant concept.
I just can’t make my mind up about all the asylum seekers who are sailing across here from Indonesia. You have to be sorry for them but I can’t help feeling that one day we’ll be overrun. All it will take is the population of Afghanistan to decide they’ve had enough of the joint and hire a few cruise ships to take them to Australia. Can you imagine Kevin trying to pick the Taliban out of that lot?
I understand why the Afghans would want to live in a country run by Kevin rather than that Karzai chap but they don’t know a thing about rugby league or cricket. And I hope someone at Christmas Island warns them about Wilson Tuckey, the Eels’ disappointing start to the season, Alan Jones, Tony’s beachwear, Barnaby Joyce and the home insulation scheme.
People smuggling is such a profitable business that Neville’s thinking of getting into it. He’s got a genius plan. He’s going to buy old Sydney ferries when Kristina flogs them off. Then he’ll fill them up with asylum seekers in Indonesia, charge ten thousand bucks a head, sail into Sydney Harbour and unload them at Circular Quay. No-one will take a blind bit of notice because they’ll think it’s the Manly Ferry.
The World Affairs Think Tank sprang back into action this week by coming up with advice for you on how to handle the Chinese. I know how difficult it can be..
First you’ve got to understand who you’re talking to because what with Stern Hu and President Hu sometimes its difficult to know who’s Hu.
Then you could play pingpong or mah-jong in Hong Kong or Haiphong or dingdong over Falun Gong or Mao Zedong right or wrong or who flung dong at Penny Wong or some nong in a thong going for a song on a chaise longue in Guangdong.
Sorry, we couldn’t think of anything serious and we just got carried away.
Whatever you do don’t get Kevin to speak to the Chinese on your behalf. Ever since he started talking to them in Chinese they’ve gone right off him. He must speak Uighur with a Tibetan accent.
Oh by the way if you’ve panicked at the thought of having tea with me at the Embassy – APRIL FOOL. Ha ha, caught you that time.
Till next week,
Gaelene Woo,
President
Tags: Alan Jones, Barack Obama, Barnaby Joyce, Christmas Island, Eels, Guangdong, home insulation scheme, Hong Kong, Jeff Bleich, Karzai, Kevin Rudd, Kristina Keneally, mah-jong, Manly Ferry, Mao Zedong, Michele Obama, Penny Wong, people smugglers, people smuggling, President Hu, President Obama, President of USA, Stern Hu, Taliban, Tibet, Tony Abbott, Wilson Tuckey
Posted in Obama Fan Club | No Comments »
Newsletter from Australia
White House,
Washington DC.,
25th March 2010
Dear Mr President,
We’re so proud of you here at the Club. I’ve always said that if there’s one thing Americans need its healthcare. All those hot dogs and hamburgers can’t be good for you.
The world’s first Obama Fan Club had a wonderful healthcare celebration party this week. I dressed as a nurse as a bit of a giggle but it really turned Neville on and I gave everyone a tin of bandaids as a momento.
We’ve got over the disappointment of not seeing you this month and look forward to your visit in June. You won’t believe what we’re planning for you. Actually it was my idea. We’re going to invite you to a Tea Party. Don’t panic, here’s the genius bit. We plan to hold it at the former HQ of the Australian Democrats. Unfortunately they became extinct but I know you’ll appreciate the symbolism.
The trip to Aussie will give you the opportunity to relax and forget about health insurance and abortions even those which are two thousand seven hundred pages long.
I was shocked beyond words the other night when I heard what that guy said about Kevin on Lateline. For reference see: http://www.abc.net.au/reslib/201003/r534578_3064633.asx
As you know I’ve always regarded Kevin as a fair dinkum trustworthy Prime Minister who is firm but fair, someone in charge you can really rely on to do the right thing by working families.
This Kroger chap, who’s obviously a Liberal, said Kevin was contemptuous of his staff and colleagues, abusive, difficult to get along with, rude, friendless and an all-round pain in the perpendicular. What’s more he claimed that Julia of all people was ready to knife him for his job.
I’ve been waiting for all his staff and colleagues to flood radio and television with outrage, rebuttals and protestations of undying love. So far nothing’s happened but I’m quietly confident someone will get their arm twisted soon.
As I said to Marge on Monday could it possibly be that I’m wrong about this great man, this 07 heaven which has brought me such hope and inspiration. Actually I wouldn’t mind so such about the swearing, I occasionally lapse myself, or about being abusive to his mates; the thing that worries me most is that he hasn’t got any mates.
It’s a big shock suddenly to be confronted with the possibility that your hero is a monster. I always thought the reason he got a bit grumpy was that he’s had Malcolm and Tony for breakfast so many times he suffers from chronic indigestion.
Marge said that if he was as popular in the electorate as he was in parliament his approval rating would be even lower than Malcolm’s.
She thinks he should spend some time at a four-letter-word addiction clinic. I thought that was a f—ing stupid idea.
Relief at last. Kevin was masterful in the hospitals debate with Tony Abbott last Tuesday. I don’t know exactly where he inserted his scalpel but at the end of the debate Tony was totally knackered.
Till next week,
Gaelene Woo
President
Tags: abortion, Australian Democrats, Barack Obama, insurance, Julia Gillard, Kevin 07, Kevin Rudd, Kevin07, Lateline, Malcolm Turnbull, Michael Kroger, Obama Healthcare, Obamacare, Tony Abbott
Posted in Obama Fan Club | 2 Comments »
Newsletter from Australia
White House,
Washington DC.,
19th March 2010
Dear Mr President,
It’s been a terrible week here.
First we get news that your family aren’t coming with you to Australia, then we’re told you’re coming here later than planned, then you’re only coming for twenty-four hours missing out Sydney and may not come at all if the healthcare bill doesn’t get passed.
Kevin can’t get anything passed either. If you ask me you both need a good dose of prunes.
Mildred and I are even considering going to Canberra just to catch a glimpse of you. Give me a wave if you see me in the crowd. I’ll be wearing my pink and beige floral number so I should be pretty easy to spot.
I’ve cancelled the provisional booking for your address at the local RSL conference centre and told the mayor he can hang up his chain for the day. It’s such a shame.
I’m terribly worried about Kevin. His poll numbers are in the toilet and everybody’s saying how rude and bad tempered he is. He was even hostile to our premier Kristina who’s such a lovely woman. Neville’s really got the hots for her. It’s a bit confusing when your husband is threatening to elope with the NSW Premier.
I’m relying on you to give Kevin a bit of a surge while you’re here. He seems to be spending all his time in hospitals and churches. I’m worried he’ll get confused and hand round a bedpan for the church collection. They never provide restrooms in churches so he might collect more than he bargained for.
By the way please don’t mention the ETS when you’re with Kevin. He seems to have gone right off it. Maybe he’ll recover in time for the next climate change conference in Mexico. It looks like the drug cartels will be running the country by then so we’ll be able to see whether things really do go better with coke. Oh I am awful sometimes.
Instead of our usual World Affairs Think Tank session this week the Club put together a list of must-do things for you in Australia. I hope it will come in handy.
You’ve got to buy the children’s book written by Kevin. I think it’s called ‘Snow White and the 07 Kevins’.
Please tell everyone that Kevin is the loveliest, most delightful, good-tempered, polite, intelligent and generous man you’ve ever met. Yes I know it’s not true but you’re the only person who could say it without causing raucous laughter.
If you get served Coon cheese in the parliament canteen please don’t take it personally.
I’m sure you wont feel out of place when you find you’re the only black person in the Australian Parliament. There are two Browns however and both of them are green.
If you haven’t had time to write your speech to the joint sitting of Parliament why don’t you pick up a copy of the one Yudwhoyouknow gave them a couple of weeks ago when you’re in Indonesia. I’m sure no-one would notice if you did an encore and it contains all the right stuff about terrorists, co-operation, how wonderful Australia and Kevin are with no mention of the ETS.
Whatever you do don’t pass on any advice to your daughters from Tony Abbott. But Sarah Palin might appreciate it.
Unfortunately you wont have time this trip to come with me to watch the Eels. They lost to the Saints in the opener but I’ll book you a seat for the grand final because they’re bound to be there.
Till next week.
Gaelene Woo,
President
Tags: Barack Obama, Coon cheese, drug cartels, Eels, ETS, Gordon Brown, Indonesia, Kevin 07, Kevin Rudd, Kristina Keneally, KRudd, Mexico, Michele Obama, NSW Premier, Obama Healthcare, Obamacare, Saints, Sarah Palin, Terrorism, terrorist attacks, Tony Abbott, Yudhoyono
Posted in Obama Fan Club | No Comments »
Newsletter from Australia
White House,
Washington DC.,
12th March 2010
Dear Mr President,
On the whole I think Kevin’s had a slightly better week.
He’s stopped apologising and gone into hospitals. I think he went in for an operation to remove Peter Garrett but it only seems to have been partially successful.
Hopefully his minders will stop him doing tours of the wards. He’s got the bedside manner of a bedpan.
I must say that much as I love him there are times when I feel like giving Kevin a really good shake. Just as he gets out from under roofs falling in on him he goes and picks a fight with the state premiers over hospitals.
Mind you I think Kevin’s on the right track. Your chances of survival in a NSW hospital are roughly equivalent to those of a suicide bomber on a second mission.
The NSW state premier is a lovely woman, one of your mob from Toledo Ohio. I’m sure she doesn’t know an enema from a seminar but she’s really got her knickers in a twist about Kevin’s hospitals plan. And if it turns into a beauty contest with Kristina things could really turn ugly for Kevin.
Its been reported that Kevin is not going abroad much this year. I think that’s because he’s going to spend much more time in church praying to Mary MacKillop. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if Kevin was her third miracle.
Now I know its only a week or two before you arrive here but we thought it would be really useful for you if the World Affairs Think Tank came up with some great ideas for your address to the joint session of the Australian Parliament. Hopefully you’ll have enough time to slot our stuff in.
Our Mavis’ Bert’s brother Fred thought you should have a devastating response ready if Bob Brown interrupts you just like he interrupted George W. He suggested ‘Shut up you Tassie tree-hugger. They serve wood chips like you at McDonalds’.
Marge said you should remind our pollies that there’s as much chance of insulating Australia’s economy from the global financial pressures as there is of insulating Australia from the second go at the home insulation scheme.
Cyril suggested you could significantly boost Kevin’s morale by explaining how much deeper you’ve led the US into the financial doodoo compared with us.
Mildred wanted you to tell our Parliament to be ready to take over as the most powerful nation in the world in case your country drops its bundle. She said it was important to for us to step in ahead of China because they if they got too much power they might intern Kevin for speaking Chinese with a Canberra accent and stop us bowling chinamen.
Joyce said that if you wanted to raise a laugh you could tell our parliamentarians you saw more of Kevin last year than they did.
I expressed the hope that you will give Kevin a real rap because he really needs it. And whatever you do don’t mention the ETS or Kevin getting pissed in a New York nightclub.
Till next week,
Gaelene Woo
President
Tags: Barack, Barack Obama, Barnaby Joyce, Bob Brown, China, ETS, George Bush, George W Bush, Greens, healthcare, home insulation scheme, hospitals, Kevin Rudd, Kristina Keneally, Mary MacKillop, McDonalds, NSW Premier, Obama Fan Club, Peter Garrett, President of US, Sorry, suicide bomber, Toledo Ohio
Posted in Obama Fan Club | No Comments »
Newsletter from Australia
White House,
Washington DC.,
5th March 2010
Dear Mr President,
It’s been a terrible week here and I feel so sorry for poor Kevin.
I know its been such a strain on him claiming to be perfect all the time but I’m having trouble suddenly adjusting to the fact he’s stuffed up.
You know how Tony Abbott’s always going on about what a non-event he is, well Kevin’s started to agree with him.
As I said to Neville this is just like his mother agreeing with everything I say about her, the old cow. Oops, sorry I always get carried away when I think about her.
Kevin is admitting his mob have totally ballsed up the home insulation scheme, hospitals and supplying school kids with computers. Next he’ll be thanking Tony for helping him understand what a failure he is.
It’s a good job you’re coming to visit him because I’m sure it will help give him a bit of confidence back. Why don’t you tell him when you did that mea culpa stuff in Europe and the Middle East it only helped people understand that the US was as bad as they’d always thought it was.
By the way while you’re here please don’t mention the ETS. Now you’re not doing one it will only make Kevin feel like a bit of a goose.
We’re still hopeful that you can visit the Club.The local bakery has promised us buns with stars and stripes icing.
I’m pretty sure the Eels have got a home game while you’re here. Neville and I are both members so there would be no problem getting you good tickets.
This week the Club’s World Affairs Think Tank tackled one of the most profound issues facing this region “What is New Zealand’s future role in world affairs?” I wasn’t prepared for what followed.
Cyril reckoned it is the ideal place to test Tony Abbott’s latest idea for tackling global warming, a huge snow-making machine.
Marge said it should become the next centre for world terrorism and give the Middle East a chance to settle things down a bit.
Our Mavis’ Bert saw the country as the centre for another major initiative against global warming, the grass diet. Twenty-two million sheep can’t be wrong. He reckoned that the New Zealand diet is an issue which has been eating away at sheep for some time.
Mildred believed New Zealand offered the ideal environment for the world’s leading sex addiction academy. She should know, she’s a qualified instructor.
Ron thought it should be declared a Peter Garrett free zone because it was already insulated from the rest of the world.
Doris suggested that the Australian Government should launch an advertising campaign in Afghanistan and Sri Lanka promoting New Zealand as the preferred destination for asylum seekers.
Fred was convinced that New Zealand’s future role in world affairs was similar to having your head in the sand at the end of a bungee jump.
I summed it all up by saying that my Kiwi mates would never speak to me again if they heard what had been said. And please don’t mention anything to Kevin.
Till next week,
Gaelene Woo
President
Tags: Afghanistan, asylum seekers, education, ETS, healthcare, home insulation scheme, immigration, Kevin Rudd, New Zealand, sex addiction, Tony Abbott
Posted in Obama Fan Club | 1 Comment »
Newsletter from Australia
White House,
Washington DC.,
26th February 2010
Dear Mr President,
You are just not going to believe this. All four of those people who came to the Sarah Palin Roast and half-price beer night came back for our club meeting this week and are now paid up members. So that takes us to a total of twenty-two and there were actually twenty-three at the meeting because the cleaning lady stayed on.
Great excitement here this week over the government’s insulation scheme. It’s been a big shock to everyone and Peter Garrett’s in deep doodoo over it. Mind you it only goes to prove what I’ve always said. Greenies like Peter are great at stirring the possum but get them to organise something like batts in your belfry and they’re totally out of their environment.
You’re not going to believe this either. Tony Abbott’s given up sex for Lent. Neville said it was Mary MacKillop’s third miracle.
I saw Malcolm Turnbull on the telly last night and I can’t believe I’m saying this but he almost came across as likeable. You can’t help admiring him for supporting Kevin’s ETS although he probably hasn’t got the faintest idea what it’s all about just like the rest of us.
It doesn’t look like Malcolm will get a decent gig in the Coalition while the Mad Monk’s in charge so I hope Kevin finds a decent job for him. I wrote to him suggesting he should organise a new political party called the Don’t Knows. They’re already ahead of the Greens in the polls.
I had prepared to discuss some really profound international issues at the World Affairs Think Tank this week but all they wanted to talk about was the ETS and climate change. So I hastily changed the subject to ‘Climate Change, the ETS and ERF; are they all a con job?’
Cyril said he’d watched the weather forecast on Channel Nine News every day for over twenty years and there was no sign of the climate changing.
Marge said she hadn’t got a clue what the ETS is about. She couldn’t believe that the government wanted to charge everyone for smoke. She claimed her Alf blew smoke out of his backside at least twice a day and the ETS would make him unaffordable.
Our Mavis’ Bert said he had really tried hard to understand Tony Abbott’s ERF. He believed it was basically about persuading people to stay home in the dark, because electricity would be too expensive, and spend more time having sex as long as it wasn’t during Lent, with a catholic priest or with one of his daughters.
Mildred as usual was right on the money. She claimed that Copenhagen was a disaster because there’s no one size fit all climate change solution. Every country should decide what climate it wants and design an ETS or an ERF to make it happen. We should leave all the world stuff to Al Gore and also Kevin because obviously Australia doesn’t emit enough carbon to keep him fully interested.
I summed it all up by saying whatever our views we should all take part in Clean-up Australia this year. I couldn’t see what it’s got to do with climate change but I was sure there is a connection somewhere. What’s more this year there will be loads of waste batts to clean up.
Till next week,
Gaelene Woo
President
Tags: Al Gore, Clean-up Australia, Climate Change, Copenhagen, ETS, Greens, home insulation scheme, Insulation, Kevin Rudd, Malcolm Turnbull, Mary MacKillop, Peter Garrett, Sarah Palin, Tony Abbott
Posted in Obama Fan Club | 1 Comment »
Newsletter from Australia
White House,
Washington DC.,
19th February 2010
Mr President,
I can’t tell you how excited we all are about your visit. Marge almost had to go to emergency last week because she was overheating.
The mayor is standing by and thinks he can get the day off if you can find time to visit Beauthaven. We haven’t heard back from your social secretary yet so perhaps you could jog her memory.
Instead of our usual World Affairs Think Tank this week the Club put on a Sarah Palin Roast and Half-Price Beer Night. It was a huge success but I think Neville got a bit upset about some of the things they said about Sarah because he fancies her just like Hillary. He once told me I was the same type as Sarah. Next thing he’ll be inviting me out moose-shooting.
I’m really excited that the Club picked up four new members at the Roast but I‘m not convinced we’ll keep them once the beer goes back to full price.
The committee thought it would be useful if I passed on a few tips about Australia to help you plan your trip. I know the embassy in Canberra will be briefing you but its not like they live in Australia.
Now I know you’re used to flying into major capital cities like London and Washington. Flying into Canberra may be a bit of a shock. Don’t be surprised if it seems like you’re flying into Kevin’s country estate instead.
The airport building is about half as big as Air Force One. In fact while you’re there some people might mistake it for the airport building.
Canberra’s not what you’d call a shopper’s paradise. If Michele wants to do any shopping here I suggest you drop her off in Sydney and I’ll show her round.
Mildred suggested I reassure you that it will be quite safe to go into the Australian Parliament because Peter Garrett hasn’t insulated the roof.
By the way there’s a whole lot of Afghans and Sri Lankans in Indonesia who are trying to get into Australia. When you call in there make sure your security guys are on the lookout for potential stowaways on Air Force One. It wouldn’t be a good look if you disembarked in Sydney with a bunch of asylum seekers.
You might have to be sprayed by the immigration authorities before you land in Canberra but usually they only spray septics who are Republicans.
I know you’ll have a great time in Canberra chatting up Kevin and Julia. They’re such lovely people. And I know you’ll do your best to be polite when you meet Tony Abbott and Joe Hockey; don’t be surprised if Joe’s dressed as Tinkerbell. And if Barnaby Joyce tells you to ‘bugger off’ that’s only the Nationals way of trying to be matey.
Oh and don’t be surprised by the Federal Parliament Building being partly underground. They designed it that way to conceal the fact that our politicians have got their heads buried in the sand.
Till next week,
Gaelene Woo
President
Tags: Air Force One, asylum seekers, Barack Obama, Barnaby Joyce, Hillary Clinton, Joe Hockey, Julia Gillard, Kevin Rudd, Michele Obama, Obama Fan Club, Peter Garrett, Sarah Palin, Tony Abbott
Posted in Obama Fan Club | No Comments »
Newsletter from Australia
White House,
Washington DC.,
12th February 2010
Mr President,
I’m terribly worried about you and Kevin.
How can the two most brilliant, charismatic and loved leaders of our time be taking a bath in the opinion polls? Doesn’t the public recognise messiahs when they see them?
I know its all about democracy and everyone being entitled to their own opinion but how on earth could anyone rank Sarah Palin and Tony Abbott in the same league as you two?
Admittedly that Palin woman has got a bit of get up and go about her, is a dab hand at moose shooting and I’m sure Neville secretly fancies her but she does tend to shriek a bit and if she was invited to a tea party round here no-one else would turn up. Imagine her having the audacity to believe she’s in the same league as Hillary and all the other women Bill knows.
And as for Tony Abbott he’s just a rugby rah-rahing boxing, cycling, bush firefighting, womanising, ironmaning, lifesaving, Rhodes Scholaring, budgie smuggling larrikin who thinks that Kevin is nothing but a toxically boring, preening and prissying little two-faced nerd. There’s just no comparison. Neville can’t stand Tony because he didn’t play rugby league.
Kevin appeals to women much more than Tony. That’s because Tony’s dated most of them and they know what he’s like. He spent most of his younger years persuading them to give up their virginity and, mark my words, his big promise at the next election will be to give them all back.
This week the club’s World Affairs Think Tank tackled an education issue of profound worldwide relevance; ‘Should we teach sex in schools?‘ We selected it specially to give you some guidance on future policy development in this vital area.
Marge made an unusually incisive contribution. She said it all depended on how you interpreted the question. She is all in favour of teaching sex in schools but not having sex in schools. Apparently it put her off for years.
Our Mavis’ Bert was adamant that teachers should be taught sex in schools because the students already know more than they do.
Gert wanted to know if there would be any homework and would it involve any practical assignments.
Cyril saw great opportunities to establish joint projects between boys and girls schools using a sophisticated ‘you can look at mine if I can look at yours’ teaching method.
Mildred was very much in favour of teaching drugs and rock and roll as well as sex. Further she pointed out that if girls were taught lap and pole dancing as well it would help them build on their sex education by opening up career opportunities.
Mervyn saw a problem in catholic schools where priests have traditionally taught the wrong sort of sex. He stressed that priests have got a strong track record on teaching the theory of marriage before sex but of course the practice is a virtual impossibility for them.
I summed it all up by saying that schools should have a place for teaching sex but it was still likely to be behind the toilet block or on the back seat of the headmaster’s car.
You will let me know if there’s anything special you would like Think Tank to tackle wont you?
Till next week,
Gaelene Woo
President
Tags: Barack Obama, Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton, Kevin Rudd, Sarah Palin, Sex Education, Tony Abbott, virginity
Posted in Obama Fan Club | 2 Comments »
Loading ...