Story No. 35
‘George’ I said ‘this is serious’
I was enjoying a break with the Bushes at their ranch in Crawford, Texas when I heard the bad news about New Orleans on Fox.
‘Oh I don’t know Barney’ said George ‘our Federal Emergency Management Agency will deal with it. I don’t think we should be unduly concerned’
‘You have to be kidding’ I said ‘the whole of New Orleans is in danger of being inundated threatening the lives and property of hundreds of thousands’
‘Hurricanes aren’t all that serious are they?’ asked George
‘Well they are if they’re Category Five’ I said
‘I must start watching the weather forecasts’ said George ‘Anyway I’ve been in touch with Mike Brown who is the director of the Agency and he’s doing a heck of a job’
‘George’ I said ‘Mike Brown would be blown away by a farting contest and this is a Category Five hurricane’
‘Well Dick will take charge’ said George
‘Dick’ I said ‘is on holiday in Wyoming. You’ve got to go back to Washington immediately and take charge’
‘I can’t’ said George ‘the in-laws are coming to dinner tomorrow’
Next day I told him ‘There’s an unprecedented human tragedy in New Orleans. People desperately need food and medical attention and the Superdome’s full’
‘Why’ asked George ‘is there a game on?’
‘No’ I said ‘and they’re not serving hotdogs and burgers. This is a full blown crisis. You’ve got to return to Washington immediately and take charge. Mike Brown’s stuffing it’
‘Yes I know’ said George ‘I’ve asked Karl Rove to take control. Don’t worry he’ll fix it’
Two days later I said to George ‘If you don’t go back to Washington right now and take charge New Orleans will be history and so will you’
‘Alright Barney’ said George ‘anything else?’
‘Yes’ I said ‘we should fly over New Orleans on the way back’
‘Good idea’ said George ‘that will show how concerned I am’
‘Jeepers’ said George as we flew over the devastation ‘it’s a good job I got the rescue effort into gear. What should I say to the media when I get off the plane?’
‘Listen carefully’ I said ‘this is critical. ympathise with the victims, pledge to rebuild New Orleans and stamp your authority over the rescue effort. No jokes’
‘Wow’ said George ‘that’s truly inspirational’
As it turned out George made a real goose of himself at the media conference. The only consolation was he omitted to repeat the claim that Mike Brown was doing a heck of a job.
Hurricane Katrina was a helluva watershed for both New Orleans and George. The city recovered but not the man. I couldn’t believe he stuffed up so badly after all the mentoring I had given him. It shook my faith in people and I considered whether in future I should only talk to dogs.
‘I really hit a homer didn’t I’ exclaimed George after the media conference
‘Actually no George you didn’t’ I said ‘it was one of your worst efforts’
‘Really’ said George ‘what should I do then? How about another ‘mission accomplished’ speech?’
‘Bad idea George’ I said ‘you haven’t accomplished the first one yet’
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