Penny Wong has many admirable qualities. Her resolute stand against vitriolic attacks on the ETS has now led to her being labelled the modern day Joan of Arc.

There are remarkable similarities between the two; absolute dedication to a cause, a laughing gear malfunction and a medieval hairstyle.

There is a certain similarity in the threats they chose to address. Penny is striving to rid her country of carbon emissions to save it from the greenhouse effect while Joan was striving to rid her country of Poms to save it from the effect of all those ghastly greenhouses they build everywhere.

Psychologists believe Penny’s determination to hose down global warming could derive from an instinctive motivation to avoid the same ultimate fate as Joan.

As the Minister for Climate Change Penny’s key responsibility is keeping the climate the same. But if global warming doesn’t live up to her dire forecasts she will argue heatedly until it does.

It matters not to Penny that if the US and China stopped emitting carbons no-one would care tuppence about Australia. Some experts believe that in order to understand future global emissions trends in more detail she will need to get closer to China. Malcolm has suggested North Korea.

She is immensely frustrated that people like Wilson Tuckey and Barnaby Joyce refuse to understand that getting an ETS approved by November is not so much about reducing carbon emissions but rather about giving Kevin the authority and credibility he needs to be recognised as the Decarbonator at the Climate Change Summit in December.

To send the Decarbonator into that summit without the embellishment of an ETS in his own country would be like sending Roger Federer onto centre court without a racquet.

It is rumoured he plans to set the summit alight by proposing a worldwide ban on coal powered fire stations.

Penny works tirelessly in support of the Decarbonator. Insiders report approaches to the Taliban aimed at reducing car bomb emissions and the development of a breakthrough emissions-free bicycle called, in honour of its sponsor, the penny farthing.

It has to be said, however, that for a Climate Change Minister she seems to emit an inordinate amount of smut especially about Malcolm.

She urgently needs to address the proposition that people who have had smoke blown up their backsides should be subject to cap and trade.

Sceptics are telling Penny that by 2018 the cumulative effect of the ETS and the CPRS together with Wayne’s debt reduction stimulus will be an alarming drop in carbon emissions leading to global cooling and people wearing carbon dioxide masks. They warn that by 2020 unless carbon emissions are increased to current levels the shithouse effect could be irreversible.

But Penny remains confident despite the feeling that the Decarbonator has sent her on an emission impossible. She is even said to harbour ambitions of becoming Decarbonator II but it seems unlikely Decarbonator I will allow any carbon copies.

Meanwhile she soldiers steadfastly on showing little patience for debating the ETS’ rights and wongs. We can only hope that with so much at stake she doesn’t get burned.