Newsletter from Australia

White House,
Washington DC.,

30th October 2009

Happy Halloween for tomorrow.

The Obama Fan Club held a special Halloween Party this week and you would have loved it.

Neville dressed up as George W in drag and you were unanimously voted our pumpkin of the year. Mildred told us a ghost story. She said that Deep Throat still haunts the streets of Washington. Neville was half sozzled and thought she was talking about Monica Lewinsky. He’s such an embarrassment sometimes.

Kevin’s got into the spirit of things by playing ‘trick or treat’ with the asylum seekers. If they choose ‘treat’ he sends them to Christmas Island and if they choose ‘trick’ he sends them back to Indonesia.

The son of a couple who Marge knows apparently got on the wrong boat in Indonesia and ended up at Christmas Island for a couple of weeks. He said it wasn’t too bad but the place was full of foreigners.

Kevin’s been off overseas again the little gadabout that he is. He went to the East Asian gabfest in Bangkok to convince all those countries over there that they are the asylums which the Sri Lankans are seeking and there’s no way they should come to a madhouse like Australia.

The weather here’s turned very cold again and that doesn’t help poor old Kevin with his ETS. He wont have much luck telling Malcolm where to shove his amendments if we’re all freezing to death. If we don’t get some warm weather soon I’m going to write to the UN suggesting the agenda for Copenhagen should be about increasing carbon emissions.

Thank goodness you haven’t caught swine flu yet. It can be very nasty. My cousin copped a bit of a dose but I wasn’t surprised because he’s had his snout in the trough for years. Marge is worried that the outbreak over there could make a right pig’s ear of your healthcare plan.

I loved watching Hillary threaten the Iranians the other day. But as I said to Neville if she scared them half as much as she scared me they’ll be heading down here in droves booking a trip with the people smugglers. The next time she threatens the Iranians could you please ask her to suggest they seek asylum in NZ. And it would help if they learn to say ‘baa’ before being interviewed by the Kiwi immigration crowd. Just kidding.

Have you noticed that our dollar is gaining in value against your dollar. Kevin says it’s all to do with the stimulus and building school halls. But I’ve got good news. It means that all the fund-raising stuff we do to help the US economy will result in even more US dollars to help you balance the budget.

Next month we’re planning a special Thanksgiving Day event which should raise at least US$500. You can tell Timothy Wotshisface that he can count on that in next month’s forecasts.

Till next week,

Gaelene Woo,
President