Shaggy Dog Stories by Bo, the first Dog, about his dog days in the White House with Obama
Yap No. 2
I must admit to having misgivings about my new role as senior adviser to Big O. The trouble is I‘m not really a Democrat. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not a Republican either and I thought George W was a radical ratbag.
Barney deserves a medal for keeping him under control.
I guess I’m slapbang between the two and an independent at heart. So I was able to overcome my concerns by reassuring myself I could give Big O some truly objective advice as distinct from the left-wing dogma he was currently copping.
Portuguese water dogs like me are a pretty amenable pedigree but we do like things to be in black and white. So the next time I met with Big O I was determined to nail down my exact position in the White House hierarchy.
‘Nice paper on Iraq Bo’ said Big O ‘Great idea to have that special Baghdad BBQ day when the country celebrates its freedom from George W Bush’
‘Thank you Big O’ I said ‘Now could you please specify my exact role as your senior adviser’
‘Of course’ said Big O ‘First I see you as the Joe Biden clean-up guy’
I smelled trouble. Joe is a lovely guy but he’s the Lindsay Lohan of the White House. It’s a miracle he’s not on probation too. The thought of Bo and Big O and Joe made me feel quite queasy.
‘Every time Joe puts his foot in it’ said Big O ‘I want you to advise me on how we can deodorise it and sweep it under the carpet before anyone gets a sniff’
‘But’ I protested ‘I never do it where Joe can tread in it’
‘Relax Bo’ said Big O ‘you’re only responsible for the clean-up not the crap’
‘Do I have a role supporting Hillary in foreign affairs?’ I asked
‘Certainly’ said Big O ‘I need you to nip away at our policy on Japan and get close to that bitch at the Clinton’s’
‘Why?’ I asked
‘I like to keep tabs on all Bill’s foreign affairs as well’ said Big O
‘Oh Lord’ I thought ‘Barney will be furious’
‘And I’d like to talk to you about Rahm’ said Big O ‘in strictest confidence of course’
Rahm Emanuel is a Chicago Democrat heavy straight from central casting. If it moves kick it, if it doesn’t bury it. He’s a bigger ankle-biter than I am.
‘Rahm’s a wonderful guy’ said Big O ‘but he does have some Al Capone moments. I’d like you to make a fake tape of a phone conversation with Sarah Palin where he asks her out on a date. I’ll just keep it as insurance’
‘Eric Holder must give you a few problems’ I said
‘You wouldn’t believe it’ said Big O ‘but he was the only lawyer I could find who tells the truth and doesn’t overcharge’
‘What’s my position in relation to David Axelrod?’ I asked
‘You’re on the same level’ said Big O ‘although perhaps I see him as the slight underdog’
‘So what are my immediate priorities?’ I asked
‘That’s easy’ said Big O ‘when it comes to the Tea Party, illegal Mexican immigrants and the oil spill you have to make sure I don’t go with the flow’
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