Posts Tagged ‘ETS’
OBAMA RUDD CALL
This week Guy the Friday Mash Superfly winged his way back to the US, managed to penetrate White House security and found a place on an Oval Office wall just as the President was on the phone to the Prime Minister of Australia.
Guy showed great courage in undertaking this mission in view of the President’s well-publicised skills in fly zapping. Here is his exclusive report.
‘You’re right Kevin’ said Obama ‘I had no idea how difficult it would be to get a healthcare plan up and running. It’s being blocked by Republicans and healthy people’
‘I see you’ve got Nicola Roxon out there fronting your hospitals plan. It’s such a great idea to have a patient doing the selling for you. I do hope she makes a full recovery’
‘The problem is I want a comprehensive healthcare plan but the Republicans just want to strip everything off. No, not Sarah Palin thank goodness’
‘Those price-gouging health insurance companies only want to insure healthy people. Yes that’s a great idea Kevin, a publicly owned health insurance scheme which only insures people in bad health but is paid for by taxes from healthy people. Wait a bit though wouldn’t that mean that healthy people would claim to be suffering from some awful disease like neo-liberalism? Of course, that would be a dead giveaway. They’re just the people we want to tax. Brilliant’
‘Will my healthcare plan send America broke? Of course not. We’ve had Barnaby Joyce over here going through the numbers and he’s found the trillions we owe are actually billions’
‘Yes I’m definitely going to try and get the healthcare bill passed through reconciliation. What’s that? Reconciliation works better if you say ‘sorry’ first. I don’t think that would work over here’
‘It looks like Gordon Brown’s going to lose the UK election. Yes I know, he can be a terrible bully. I don’t think it’s going to be a problem for us because David Cameron seems like forty-five degrees to the left of Sean Penn and the Chinese Politburo.
‘What’s the ETS situation down there? Oh really, that bad. Frankly we’re reluctant to do too much about climate change in the US in case we cause next winter to be even colder than this one. But didn’t Malcolm Turnbull cross the floor to vote for the ETS?
Yes its such shame that he’s a republican’
‘No sorry Kevin I can’t lease Guantanamo Bay to you just yet. I know you’ve got asylum seeker problems but someone in my administration has just had the brilliant idea that down there would be the ideal place to put the terrorists on trial. Eric Holder wanted the trials to be in New York. Can you imagine all the cost and the chaos that would cause?’
‘Yes. I’m rally looking forward to the trip to Australia and meeting people like Tony Abbott. Really, but I heard he was the leader of the liberals. You mean to say that some of the liberals over there are conservatives? Then how can I tell the difference between the left-wing liberals and the conservative liberals. Oh I see the left-wing liberals are hairy and don’t dress very well just like Barney Frank. Thanks that’s a real help’
‘Is there anything I can bring over for you? What about a copy of my healthcare plan? No ? Yes I’m really looking to addressing the joint session of parliament. Just a thought. Peter Garrett didn’t insulate the parliament building did he?’
Tags: Barack, Barack Obama, Barnaby Joyce, Barney Frank, Chinese Politburo, Climate Change, David Cameron, Eric Holder, ETS, Fly on the Wall, Gordon Brown, Guantanamo Bay, Guy the Fly, Kevin Rudd, Malcolm Turnbull, neo-liberalism, Nicola Roxon, Obama Healthcare, Obamacare, President of US, Sarah Palin, Sean Penn, Tony Abbott, UK election
Posted in Fly on the Wall | No Comments »
Newsletter from Australia
White House,
Washington DC.,
12th March 2010
Dear Mr President,
On the whole I think Kevin’s had a slightly better week.
He’s stopped apologising and gone into hospitals. I think he went in for an operation to remove Peter Garrett but it only seems to have been partially successful.
Hopefully his minders will stop him doing tours of the wards. He’s got the bedside manner of a bedpan.
I must say that much as I love him there are times when I feel like giving Kevin a really good shake. Just as he gets out from under roofs falling in on him he goes and picks a fight with the state premiers over hospitals.
Mind you I think Kevin’s on the right track. Your chances of survival in a NSW hospital are roughly equivalent to those of a suicide bomber on a second mission.
The NSW state premier is a lovely woman, one of your mob from Toledo Ohio. I’m sure she doesn’t know an enema from a seminar but she’s really got her knickers in a twist about Kevin’s hospitals plan. And if it turns into a beauty contest with Kristina things could really turn ugly for Kevin.
Its been reported that Kevin is not going abroad much this year. I think that’s because he’s going to spend much more time in church praying to Mary MacKillop. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if Kevin was her third miracle.
Now I know its only a week or two before you arrive here but we thought it would be really useful for you if the World Affairs Think Tank came up with some great ideas for your address to the joint session of the Australian Parliament. Hopefully you’ll have enough time to slot our stuff in.
Our Mavis’ Bert’s brother Fred thought you should have a devastating response ready if Bob Brown interrupts you just like he interrupted George W. He suggested ‘Shut up you Tassie tree-hugger. They serve wood chips like you at McDonalds’.
Marge said you should remind our pollies that there’s as much chance of insulating Australia’s economy from the global financial pressures as there is of insulating Australia from the second go at the home insulation scheme.
Cyril suggested you could significantly boost Kevin’s morale by explaining how much deeper you’ve led the US into the financial doodoo compared with us.
Mildred wanted you to tell our Parliament to be ready to take over as the most powerful nation in the world in case your country drops its bundle. She said it was important to for us to step in ahead of China because they if they got too much power they might intern Kevin for speaking Chinese with a Canberra accent and stop us bowling chinamen.
Joyce said that if you wanted to raise a laugh you could tell our parliamentarians you saw more of Kevin last year than they did.
I expressed the hope that you will give Kevin a real rap because he really needs it. And whatever you do don’t mention the ETS or Kevin getting pissed in a New York nightclub.
Till next week,
Gaelene Woo
President
Tags: Barack, Barack Obama, Barnaby Joyce, Bob Brown, China, ETS, George Bush, George W Bush, Greens, healthcare, home insulation scheme, hospitals, Kevin Rudd, Kristina Keneally, Mary MacKillop, McDonalds, NSW Premier, Obama Fan Club, Peter Garrett, President of US, Sorry, suicide bomber, Toledo Ohio
Posted in Obama Fan Club | No Comments »
Back from two brilliantly successful assignments in the US Guy the Friday Mash Superfly managed to find space on a wall overlooking an emergency meeting of Kevin’s spin doctors. Here is his exclusive report.
‘This insulation thing’s an absolute disaster’ said Greg ‘We can’t unload any of the blame onto Malcolm or Tony. What the hell are we going to do about it?’
‘I think we should re-emphasise Kevin’s commitment to working families’ said Brendan
‘Are you kidding?’ snapped Greg ‘most of them are cowering in their homes frightened their roof is about to catch fire’
‘Perhaps this is the time’ said Sharon ‘to introduce a new idiosyncratic Kevin phrase like ‘systemic programmatic specificities’
‘Perhaps this is the time Shaz for you to get a job with Tony Abbott’ said Greg
‘I’ve got it’ said Brendan ‘we should package Kevin as the Global Statesman’
Illustration: Jim Pavlidis (The Age)
‘They’re not going to buy it’ said Greg ‘Copenhagen was an unmitigated Kevin disaster, nobody can understand what he’s talking about in China even when he talks in English and he’s just sent an ambassador to Washington in a wheelchair’
‘Bingo’ said Sharon ‘Kevin 07 plus 3. The man who saved Australia from a complete insulation disaster by taking the courageous and fearless decision to fire Peter Garrett.
‘Too dangerous’ said Greg ‘he’ll probably have to save Australia from further disasters by courageously and fearlessly firing Nicola Roxon and Stephen Conroy and then maybe the public will start thinking its time to courageously and fearlessly fire Kevin. Hold that thought on Kevin 07 plus 3 though. That’s interesting’
‘I’ve had an idea’ said Brendan ‘Obama’s coming here soon. Perhaps we could persuade him to call Kevin the Wizard of Oz or something’
‘Too dangerous’ said Greg ‘he might get mixed up and call him the Tin Man or the Man of Tin’
‘I know’ said Sharon ‘the Action Man’
‘Oh please’ said Greg ‘That’s just the point. He hasn’t done anything except hand out money’
‘But’ said Sharon ‘we could portray him as the Super Action Man who takes on and defeats Action Man Abbott’
‘Oh sure’ said Greg ‘I can just see Kevin poleaxing Tony in a boxing ring or wearing budgie smugglers. On Kevin they’d look more like tadpole smugglers’
‘Ok smarty’ said Sharon ‘what’s your brilliant idea then? If we don’t come up with a new spin strategy soon there’s a danger the public will begin to see Kevin as he really is.
‘My key spin strategy is to get Kevin to accept responsibility for the insulation disaster’ said Greg ‘The public will appreciate the gesture but nobody will seriously believe its his fault. Then to reinforce that belief he should fire Peter’
‘Brilliant’ said Sharon ‘we can then spin him as the mea culpa prime minister. The public will suss its Kevin selflessly taking the blame for his incompetent minister’
‘And if it works for insulation’ said Brendan ‘it can work for hospitals, the national broadband network, the ETS …’
‘Yes alright’ said Greg ‘ Let’s get Kevin in to brief him on the mea culpa prime minister spin strategy and Shaz ring Kerry O’Brien to book a date to launch it on The 7.30 Report.
Tags: Ambassabor to Washington, Barack Obama, China, Copenhagen, education, ETS, Fly on the Wall, Guy the Fly, home insulation scheme, Kevin Rudd, Kevin07, KRudd, Malcolm Turnbull, national broadband network, Nicola Roxon, Peter Garrett, President Obama, Stephen Conroy, systemic programmatic specificities, Tony Abbott, Wizard of Oz
Posted in Fly on the Wall | No Comments »
Newsletter from Australia
White House,
Washington DC.,
5th March 2010
Dear Mr President,
It’s been a terrible week here and I feel so sorry for poor Kevin.
I know its been such a strain on him claiming to be perfect all the time but I’m having trouble suddenly adjusting to the fact he’s stuffed up.
You know how Tony Abbott’s always going on about what a non-event he is, well Kevin’s started to agree with him.
As I said to Neville this is just like his mother agreeing with everything I say about her, the old cow. Oops, sorry I always get carried away when I think about her.
Kevin is admitting his mob have totally ballsed up the home insulation scheme, hospitals and supplying school kids with computers. Next he’ll be thanking Tony for helping him understand what a failure he is.
It’s a good job you’re coming to visit him because I’m sure it will help give him a bit of confidence back. Why don’t you tell him when you did that mea culpa stuff in Europe and the Middle East it only helped people understand that the US was as bad as they’d always thought it was.
By the way while you’re here please don’t mention the ETS. Now you’re not doing one it will only make Kevin feel like a bit of a goose.
We’re still hopeful that you can visit the Club.The local bakery has promised us buns with stars and stripes icing.
I’m pretty sure the Eels have got a home game while you’re here. Neville and I are both members so there would be no problem getting you good tickets.
This week the Club’s World Affairs Think Tank tackled one of the most profound issues facing this region “What is New Zealand’s future role in world affairs?” I wasn’t prepared for what followed.
Cyril reckoned it is the ideal place to test Tony Abbott’s latest idea for tackling global warming, a huge snow-making machine.
Marge said it should become the next centre for world terrorism and give the Middle East a chance to settle things down a bit.
Our Mavis’ Bert saw the country as the centre for another major initiative against global warming, the grass diet. Twenty-two million sheep can’t be wrong. He reckoned that the New Zealand diet is an issue which has been eating away at sheep for some time.
Mildred believed New Zealand offered the ideal environment for the world’s leading sex addiction academy. She should know, she’s a qualified instructor.
Ron thought it should be declared a Peter Garrett free zone because it was already insulated from the rest of the world.
Doris suggested that the Australian Government should launch an advertising campaign in Afghanistan and Sri Lanka promoting New Zealand as the preferred destination for asylum seekers.
Fred was convinced that New Zealand’s future role in world affairs was similar to having your head in the sand at the end of a bungee jump.
I summed it all up by saying that my Kiwi mates would never speak to me again if they heard what had been said. And please don’t mention anything to Kevin.
Till next week,
Gaelene Woo
President
Tags: Afghanistan, asylum seekers, education, ETS, healthcare, home insulation scheme, immigration, Kevin Rudd, New Zealand, sex addiction, Tony Abbott
Posted in Obama Fan Club | No Comments »
Newsletter from Australia
White House,
Washington DC.,
26th February 2010
Dear Mr President,
You are just not going to believe this. All four of those people who came to the Sarah Palin Roast and half-price beer night came back for our club meeting this week and are now paid up members. So that takes us to a total of twenty-two and there were actually twenty-three at the meeting because the cleaning lady stayed on.
Great excitement here this week over the government’s insulation scheme. It’s been a big shock to everyone and Peter Garrett’s in deep doodoo over it. Mind you it only goes to prove what I’ve always said. Greenies like Peter are great at stirring the possum but get them to organise something like batts in your belfry and they’re totally out of their environment.
You’re not going to believe this either. Tony Abbott’s given up sex for Lent. Neville said it was Mary MacKillop’s third miracle.
I saw Malcolm Turnbull on the telly last night and I can’t believe I’m saying this but he almost came across as likeable. You can’t help admiring him for supporting Kevin’s ETS although he probably hasn’t got the faintest idea what it’s all about just like the rest of us.
It doesn’t look like Malcolm will get a decent gig in the Coalition while the Mad Monk’s in charge so I hope Kevin finds a decent job for him. I wrote to him suggesting he should organise a new political party called the Don’t Knows. They’re already ahead of the Greens in the polls.
I had prepared to discuss some really profound international issues at the World Affairs Think Tank this week but all they wanted to talk about was the ETS and climate change. So I hastily changed the subject to ‘Climate Change, the ETS and ERF; are they all a con job?’
Cyril said he’d watched the weather forecast on Channel Nine News every day for over twenty years and there was no sign of the climate changing.
Marge said she hadn’t got a clue what the ETS is about. She couldn’t believe that the government wanted to charge everyone for smoke. She claimed her Alf blew smoke out of his backside at least twice a day and the ETS would make him unaffordable.
Our Mavis’ Bert said he had really tried hard to understand Tony Abbott’s ERF. He believed it was basically about persuading people to stay home in the dark, because electricity would be too expensive, and spend more time having sex as long as it wasn’t during Lent, with a catholic priest or with one of his daughters.
Mildred as usual was right on the money. She claimed that Copenhagen was a disaster because there’s no one size fit all climate change solution. Every country should decide what climate it wants and design an ETS or an ERF to make it happen. We should leave all the world stuff to Al Gore and also Kevin because obviously Australia doesn’t emit enough carbon to keep him fully interested.
I summed it all up by saying whatever our views we should all take part in Clean-up Australia this year. I couldn’t see what it’s got to do with climate change but I was sure there is a connection somewhere. What’s more this year there will be loads of waste batts to clean up.
Till next week,
Gaelene Woo
President
Tags: Al Gore, Clean-up Australia, Climate Change, Copenhagen, ETS, Greens, home insulation scheme, Insulation, Kevin Rudd, Malcolm Turnbull, Mary MacKillop, Peter Garrett, Sarah Palin, Tony Abbott
Posted in Obama Fan Club | No Comments »
Putt and Take
Tiger Woods is reportedly making a comeback later this year. No word yet on which nightclub it will be at.
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Life’s a Beach
Environmentalists are concerned that the rising tide of ETS dissent could erode Penny Wong and wash her away.
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Doomsday Scenario
The International Atomic Energy Agency has expressed concern that Peter Garrett might one day become the Australian minister responsible for the development of nuclear power stations.
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The Love of Sport
If sex becomes an Olympic sport will Tiger Woods switch codes?
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Getting Better
Obama has taken steps to involve Republicans in developing his healthcare plan. The aborigines could teach him more about bush medicine than George.
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Poor Batting
The Government’s insulation debacle has had a marked effect on house design. Nobody wants a garret in their roof anymore.
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Dear John
Now it turns out that just like Andrew Peacock and Peter Costello, Malcolm Fraser can’t stand John Howard either. But on the other hand there’s George W. Bush and Tony Abbott who think John is great while no one’s even bothered to ask Mark Latham yet and he’s normally very liberal with his opinions.
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Insulated from Terrorism
There was intense debate in federal parliament this week about whether the home insulation scheme was a bigger threat to the community than home-grown terrorism. It’s a close run thing but Friday Mash sincerely believes the Federal Government is less of a threat than Al Qaeda.
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Tags: Al Qaeda, Andrew Peacock, Barack Obama, ETS, George W Bush, Insulation, John Howard, Mark Latham, Obama Healthcare, Penny Wong, Peter Costello, Peter Garrett, Republicans, Terrorism, Tiger Woods, Tony Abbott, US President
Posted in Carbon Emissions | No Comments »
This week Guy the Friday Mash Superfly winged his way to the snowy wastes of Washington DC to send this exclusive report from high up on a wall in Al Gore’s office.
Al was on the phone to Kevin Rudd.
‘Kevin I can’t believe those Liberal assholes down there are still blocking your ETS. Don’t they care about the future of mankind? What’s that you say? Yes it was unfortunate that my forecast about polar bears becoming extinct was wrong. Of course I’m happy for the polar bears but its important to convince people that global warming is a huge disaster’
He broke off to yell out to his assistant ‘Hey Martha can’t you turn the heating up in here, I’m freezing’
‘There’s mountains of snow round here’ he continued to Kevin ‘and people refuse to understand its all caused by global warming. Then there’s that extraordinarily warm weather in Vancouver for the Olympic Games. It’s amazing that people can still be so hot and cold about climate change’
‘Is there any of those Pacific Islands under water yet? No, oh well that’s surprising. Please let me know the minute one looks like becoming inundated. I’ve got my film unit on stand-by. What’s that? Could I help with rescuing the population? Well I guess I could fit a couple in my executive jet but it would be a squeeze’
‘I was thrilled to hear about the incredible plan you and Peter Garrett put together to insulate so many homes in Australia. Yes I know it’s a shame that eighty-odd caught fire but that’s not going to have a major impact on carbon emissions’
He breaks off again to call out to his assistant ‘Martha I’m about to start suffering hypothermia. For Pete’s sake turn up the heating. Yes I know it will mean increased emissions but I’ll plant a couple of trees or something’
Back on the phone to Kevin. ‘I can’t believe there’s glaciers melting all over the world but there’s no sign of it happening to the snow in Washington dammit. And meanwhile you’re suffering all those fires and droughts in Australia. What, there’s no fires and it’s pouring with rain everywhere? Don’t lose faith Kevin I’m sure you’ll be ravaged by global warming soon’
‘Is there anything I can do to help you convince Tony Abbott and all those other Neanderthals down there. What’s wrong with these people, haven’t they read my book and seen my film? I’d fly down there but I’m terribly conscious of the size of my carbon footprint’
‘Hey good news. Its just come through on my television channel that they’ve had to postpone some events at the Olympics because of the unseasonally warm weather. Look I’ve got to let you go because my feet are going numb’
‘Emergency’ he yelled to Martha ‘Go out and buy a heater or a sack of coal and bugger the damned emissions’
Tags: Al Gore, ETS, global warming, Kevin Rudd, Peter Garrett, Tony Abbott, Winter Olympics
Posted in Fly on the Wall | 1 Comment »
Wonderful, Wonderful Copenhagen
Kevin took 114 delegates to the Copenhagen Conference. Friday Mash can now confirm there were no fatalities on this mission and all have returned safely. Some delegates however reportedly suffered hypothermia, a couple had mental breakdowns trying to make sense of it all and one was rescued from a snowdrift by a great dane.
The Greatest Moral Challenge of our Time
Tony Abbott is keen that his Emissions Reduction Fund should retain its virginity as long as possible and is determined to stop Kevin stuffing it.
Thanks a Trillion
A White House spokesman has confirmed that Obama wont be bringing the US debt to Australia. China owns such a large part of of it they insist he leaves it there for safe keeping while he’s overseas.
Unseasonal Greetings
Despite rumours that he is planning to seek asylum in Australia immigration authorities will not insist Obama travels here from Indonesia via Christmas Island. On the other hand there is still a widespread view that his first coming in Australia should be at Christmas.
A Case of Whether
The good news for Australia on climate change is that NZ now has an ETS up and running. Obviously the sensible thing for Kevin to do is check whether it has any effect on global warming before trying to launch one here.
Tally Ban
Following an extensive research study the Taliban will not be fielding any candidates in the NSW State Election in 2011. Surprisingly the study showed they were even less popular than the current Labor Government.
Floored
Consistent with Kevin’s beneficence in providing jobs for opposition members it is expected that after Malcolm crosses the floor to vote for the ETS he will be offered the job of cleaning it.
Rejoyce
It is difficult to understand why Wayne Swan and Lindsay Tanner are so critical of Barnaby Joyce. He’s helping the Labor Government immeasurably more than they are.
Tags: Barack Obama, Barnaby Joyce, Christmas Island, Copenhagen, Copenhagen Conference, Debt, Emissions Reduction Fund, ETS, global warming, immigration, Kevin Rudd, Lindsay Tanner, Malcolm Turnbull, NSW Labor Government, NSW State Election, President of USA, Taliban, Tony Abbott, US debt, virginity, Wayne Swan
Posted in Carbon Emissions | 1 Comment »
Tony Jones’ interview with Penny Wong on the 4th February edition of Lateline was an absolute classic.
For the transcript, click here
Watch Penny Wong Interviewed on ABC's Lateline
For those of us craving a clear, concise and logical explanation of what on earth the ETS is all about the occasion was richly entertaining but not alas enlightening.
Despite being asked repeatedly about the ETS’ cost impact on families – working, non-working and bone idle – not a single figure passed Penny’s lips. She claimed that extensive modelling was released in 2008. That was apparently too long ago for her to remember the numbers it contained but for those who are still interested there is always the chance of coming across it in a library or a loo.
Tony’s questions about the ETS cost hikes to families in the event of an emissions reduction target higher than five percent were met buy a dogged refusal even to countenance such an abstruse notion.
The kindest possible assessment of Penny’s interview is that it added diddly squat to viewers’ storehouse of ETS knowledge and may even have eroded it slightly. But wait. On the subject of Tony Abbott’s Emissions Reduction Fund Penny demonstrated encyclopaedic knowledge. She came armed with sheafs of documents claimed to contain irrefutable evidence that Tony’s ERF was a non-starter and would cost squillions more than the ETS whatever that costs.
This was like a football coach explaining that his team’s tactics were based on a 2008 plan which he couldn’t remember but that doesn’t matter because the opposition are so hopeless.
Kevin has admitted that his government must improve their communications about the ETS. The question is did he forget to tell Penny, did she ignore him or was this, heaven help us, what she considered to be an improved communication.
Probably as a result of urgings by the spin doctors to soften her image Penny has developed a sudden synthetic smile for television interviews. When Tony asked questions she considered tiresome, embarrassing or downright dangerous she flashed on the smile to mask a face almost certainly contorted with rage and betraying an irresistible urge to choke the living shit out of him. Luckily he was in a studio hundreds of kilometres away.
The interview raised the issue of who can we possibly believe on matters of climate change.
Polar bears are the living proof we can’t trust Al Gore. Penny is about as helpful as a call centre operator in Bangalore and Kevin’s still got a Copenhagen complex. Climate change scientists have slipped up on the Himalayan glaciers and following his recent conversion it is too soon to expect anything sensible from Tony Abbott.
No wonder Lord Monckton is commanding so much attention. His is the only clear message on climate change; lie back for ten years, let it happen and then take stock. Even if he isn’t right its refreshing to hear a convenient truth amongst the deluge of inconvenient, incomprehensible and disingenuous approximations.
With all due respect to Kevin, climate change is not the greatest moral challenge of our generation. It is rather persuading politicians, scientists and opinion leaders to come clean about it.
Tags: Al Gore, Climate Change, Copenhagen, emission trading, ETS, Kevin Rudd, Lateline, Lord Monckton, Penny Wong, Tony Abbott, Tony Jones
Posted in Weekly Mash | 1 Comment »
Newsletter from Australia
White House,
Washington DC.,
5th February 2010
Dear Mr President,
I was having a cup of tea with Marge when all of a sudden they announced your March visit on the telly. We couldn’t believe it. Marge was so overcome she almost had an accident.
We haven’t got word on your schedule yet and heaven forbid we seem presumptive but you know you’ll get a wonderful welcome at the world’s first Obama Fan Club whether it’s for a keynote address or a cup of tea; but definitely not a Tea Party.
I’ll be in touch with your appointments secretary within the next week or two. It’s so exciting.
I know you’re a few trillions in the red at the moment so while you’re here don’t hesitate to tap Kevin for a stimulus package. I’m sure you qualify.
Tony Abbott’s just released his new carbon emissions reduction plan. I think its something he cooked up over the Christmas holidays. What a cheek to claim he’s got a package as good as the ETS which Kevin and Penny have been working on for years. I’m afraid we’re in for a long boring argument about who’s got the biggest and the one which emits less smoke.
By the way I’ve just checked and the RSL memorial hall will almost certainly be available during your visit. We could fit in a hundred and seventy-five at a pinch with a cup of tea and egg and lettuce sandwiches and Fred is confident he could arrange a tour of the local meatworks.
The Club’s World Affairs Think Tank has been worried about your Iran problem for some time. Bombing the place would not be a good look so soon after scoring the Nobel Peace Prize. So we devoted our session this week to creating alternative strategic tactics to dissuade Ahmadinejad from going ballistic and nuclear.
Fred made a very thoughtful first contribution to a Think Tank session. He was strongly in favour of stuffing up Iran completely by holding the next climate change conference there.
Mildred thought Ahmadinejad craved recognition. She suggested you invite him over to the White House and present him with a major international award like the World’s Worst Dressed President.
Our Mavis’ Bert had a brilliant idea. We should arrange an exchange agreement between the Iranian Government and the NSW Government. Ahmadinejad could advise the NSW Government on vote rigging techniques for the 2011 election and in return they could apply their North-West Metro project development model to his nuclear programme. That should put it back at least twenty years.
Our Mavis thought that Ahmadinejad would feel a natural political affinity with the NSW Shooters Party.
Marge had the idea of the night. She reckoned that as Ahmadinejad was so keen on sponsoring terrorists the Pittsburgh Steelers offered him better value for money than Hamas. They’re always on the telly and they strike terror into everyone.
I was at a loss to sum up such brilliance. Please feel free to take your pick of any of these and don’t forget to give Hillary a comprehensive briefing.
Till next week,
Gaelene Woo
President
Tags: Ahmadinejad, Barack Obama, carbon emissions trading, Debt, ETS, Hamas, Hillary Clinton, Iran nuclear program, Kevin Rudd, Nobel Peace Prize, NSW Labor Government, NSW Shooters Party, Obama Fan Club, Penny Wong, Pittsburgh Steelers, President of USA, Tony Abbott, White House
Posted in Obama Fan Club | No Comments »
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