And it came to pass that carbon emissions were polluting the land and the people were really choked up about it.

Kevin the Grand Prophet of the Decarbonators and his sidekick Prebendary Penny were roaming the land warning of dire consequences like drought, fires and Julie Bishop if they were not anointed the true saviours who could achieve a parting of the black sea of emissions with their miracle ETS and lead the people through it to a carbon-free promised land.

The blessed Malcolm who was King of the Carbonators agreed with them but his sidekick Tomcat Tony did not. He claimed the ETS was a massive tax on everything and who cares about droughts and fires if you lose you job and your electricity account is as deeply in debt as Wayne’s budget.

The Carbonators got increasingly pissed with the Blessed Malcolm because he was in bed with Grand Prophet Kevin and Prebendary Penny although he claimed it was an emissions-free zone.

Nevertheless the Blessed Malcolm parted ways with the Carbonators who made Tomcat Tony their leader and gave the Blessed one a carbon footprint up his backside.

The people became more Carbonator friendly because they didn’t want to be in hock to the electricity companies and they found out that once they reached the carbon-free promised land Prebendary Penny would be appointed the chief carbon tax collector.

Cheered on by Tomcat Tony the Carbonators in the Senate refused to allow Grand Prophet Kevin and Prebendary Penny to impose their miracle ETS on the people despite dire warnings of doom from Chief Profit Al, who believes the ETS is a carbon copy of the Holy Grail.

The Grand Profit Kevin and Prebendary Penny then travelled to a World Convocation of Decarbonators in Copenhagen but were mortified to find that their ETS got the same reception as a salary cap and trade scheme at the Melbourne Storm.

In recent times the Grand Prophet Kevin has had a greenhouse epiphany. He has renounced his miracle ETS and capped and traded the Prebendary Penny. This is the price he has to pay for staying in power although its quite reasonable compared with the price everyone else is paying for power.

The people are quite happy to go on being carbonated. Its such a relief not to have Prebendary Penny rabbiting on about disasters all the time and now they can relax and listen to music by Coal Porter.

The Grand Prophet Kevin has switched his attention to the new Greatest Moral Challenge of our Generation which is finding the way to a debt-free promised land through a parting of the red sea of ink splashed all over Wayne’s budget.

As for the challenge of reaching the carbon-free promised land through a parting of the black sea of emissions the Grand Prophet Kevin has postponed his next attempt until 2013 which will give him time to go back to the bullrushes and start work on a new miracle.

He’s not too discouraged by what has happened. After all parting is such sweet sorrow.