Newsletter from Australia

White House,
Washington DC.,

5th February 2010

Dear Mr President,

I was having a cup of tea with Marge when all of a sudden they announced your March visit on the telly. We couldn’t believe it. Marge was so overcome she almost had an accident.

We haven’t got word on your schedule yet and heaven forbid we seem presumptive but you know you’ll get a wonderful welcome at the world’s first Obama Fan Club whether it’s for a keynote address or a cup of tea; but definitely not a Tea Party.

I’ll be in touch with your appointments secretary within the next week or two. It’s so exciting.

I know you’re a few trillions in the red at the moment so while you’re here don’t hesitate to tap Kevin for a stimulus package. I’m sure you qualify.

Tony Abbott’s just released his new carbon emissions reduction plan. I think its something he cooked up over the Christmas holidays. What a cheek to claim he’s got a package as good as the ETS which Kevin and Penny have been working on for years. I’m afraid we’re in for a long boring argument about who’s got the biggest and the one which emits less smoke.

By the way I’ve just checked and the RSL memorial hall will almost certainly be available during your visit. We could fit in a hundred and seventy-five at a pinch with a cup of tea and egg and lettuce sandwiches and Fred is confident he could arrange a tour of the local meatworks.

The Club’s World Affairs Think Tank has been worried about your Iran problem for some time. Bombing the place would not be a good look so soon after scoring the Nobel Peace Prize. So we devoted our session this week to creating alternative strategic tactics to dissuade Ahmadinejad from going ballistic and nuclear.

Fred made a very thoughtful first contribution to a Think Tank session. He was strongly in favour of stuffing up Iran completely by holding the next climate change conference there.

Mildred thought Ahmadinejad craved recognition. She suggested you invite him over to the White House and present him with a major international award like the World’s Worst Dressed President.

Our Mavis’ Bert had a brilliant idea. We should arrange an exchange agreement between the Iranian Government and the NSW Government. Ahmadinejad could advise the NSW Government on vote rigging techniques for the 2011 election and in return they could apply their North-West Metro project development model to his nuclear programme. That should put it back at least twenty years.

Our Mavis thought that Ahmadinejad would feel a natural political affinity with the NSW Shooters Party.

Marge had the idea of the night. She reckoned that as Ahmadinejad was so keen on sponsoring terrorists the Pittsburgh Steelers offered him better value for money than Hamas. They’re always on the telly and they strike terror into everyone.

I was at a loss to sum up such brilliance. Please feel free to take your pick of any of these and don’t forget to give Hillary a comprehensive briefing.

Till next week,

Gaelene Woo
President